Assassinations the Nulli

The person that had took a bull by the tail once had learnt sixty or seventy times as much as a person that hadn’t, and said a person that started in to carry a cat home by the tail was getting knowledge that was always going to be useful to him, and wasn’t ever going to grow dim or doubtful. – Mark Twain

A cat can be trusted to purr when she is pleased, which is more than can be said for human beings. – William Ralph Inge

A cat has absolute emotional honesty: human beings, for one reason or another, may hide their feelings, but a cat does not. – Ernest Hemingway

A cat is an example of sophistication minus civilization. – Anonymous

A cat will be your friend, but never your slave. – Théophile Gautier

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats. – Benjamin Franklin

A dog will flatter you but you have to flatter the cat. – George Mikes

A happy arrangement: many people prefer cats to other people, and many cats prefer people to other cats. – Mason Cooley

A kitten is in the animal world what a rosebud is in the garden. – Robert Southey

A kitten is the delight of a household. All day long a comedy is played out by an incomparable actor. – Champfleury

A lie is like a cat: you need to stop it before it gets out the door or it’s really hard to catch. – Charles M. Blow

A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way. – Mark Twain

All you need is love and a cat. – Unknown

Are cats strange animals or do they so resemble us that we find them curious as we do monkeys? – John Steinbeck

Artists like cats; soldiers like dogs. – Desmond Morris

As anyone who has ever been around a cat for any length of time well knows, cats have enormous patience with the limitations of the humankind. – Cleveland Amory

As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat. – Ellen Perry Berkeley

Cats and dogs believe politicians are like cemetery caregivers — they are on top of everyone, but nobody listens. – Rita Mae Brown

Cats are a mysterious kind of folk. – Sir Walter Scott

Cats are connoisseurs of comfort. – James Herriot

Cats are inquisitive, but hate to admit it. – Mason Cooley

Cats can work out mathematically the exact place to sit that will cause most inconvenience. – Pam Brown

Cats choose us; we don’t own them. – Kristin Cast

Cats do care. For example, they know instinctively what time we have to be at work in the morning and they wake us up twenty minutes before the alarm goes off. – Michael Nelson

Cats do not have to be shown how to have a good time, for they are unfailing ingenious in that respect. – James Mason

Cats have it all: admiration, an endless sleep, and company only when they want it. – Rod McKuen

Cats know how to obtain food without labor, shelter without confinement, and love without penalties. – Walter Lionel George

Cats leave paw prints in your heart, forever and always. – Unknown

Cats possess so many of the same qualities as some people that it is often hard to tell the people and the cats apart. – P.J. O’Rourke

Cats rule the world. – Jim Davis

Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want. – Joseph Wood Krutch

Cats will outsmart dogs every time. – John Grogan

Cats, like men, are flatterers. – Walter Savage Landor

Curiosity killed the cat. – Ben Johnson

Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later. – Mary Bly

Dogs have owners, cats have staff. – Unknown

Every cat is my best friend. – Unknown

Everything I know I learned from my cat: When you’re hungry, eat. When you’re tired, nap in a sunbeam. When you go to the vet’s, pee on your owner. – Gary Smith

Heaven will never be Paradise unless my cats are there waiting for me. – Unknown

How we behave toward cats here below determines our status in heaven. – Robert A. Heinlein

I am as vigilant as a cat to steal cream. – William Shakespeare

I believe cats to be spirits come to earth. A cat, I am sure, could walk on a cloud without coming through. – Jules Verne

I gave my cats a bath the other day … they love it. He sat there, he enjoyed it, it was fun for me. The fur would stick to my tongue, but other than that… – Steve Martin

I had been told that the training procedure with cats was difficult. It’s not. Mine had me trained in two days. – Bill Dana

I have felt cats rubbing their faces against mine and touching my cheek with claws carefully sheathed. These things, to me, are expressions of love. – James Herriot

I have lived with several Zen Masters – all of them cats. – Eckhart Tolle

I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior. – Hippolyte Taine

I love cats because I enjoy my home; and little by little, they become its visible soul. – Jean Cocteau

I love my cats more than I love most people. Probably more than is healthy. – Amy Lee

I regard cats as one of the great joys in the world. I see them as a gift of highest order. – Trisha McCagh

I take care of my flowers and my cats. And enjoy food. And that’s living. – Ursula Andress

I used to love dogs until I discovered cats. – Nafisa Joseph

I wish I could write as mysterious as a cat. – Edgar Allan Poe

I’m not sure why I like cats so much. I mean, they’re really cute obviously. They are both wild and domestic at the same time. – Michael Showalter

If a dog jumps into your lap it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing it is because your lap is warmer. – A.N. Whitehead

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. – Mark Twain

If cats could talk, they wouldn’t. – Nan Porter

If cats could write history, their history would be mostly about cats. – Eugen Weber

If there is a heaven, it’s certain our animals are to be there. Their lives become so interwoven with our own, it would take more than an archangel to detangle them. – Pam Brown

If you want to write, keep cats. – Aldous Huxley

If your cat falls out of a tree, go indoors to laugh. – Patricia Hitchcock

In a cat’s eye, all things belong to cats. – Unknown

In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this. – Terry Pratchett

In its flawless grace and superior self-sufficiency I have seen a symbol of the perfect beauty and bland impersonality of the universe itself, objectively considered, and in its air of silent mystery there resides for me all the wonder and fascination of the unknown. – H.P. Lovecraft

It is impossible for a lover of cats to banish these alert, gentle, and discriminating friends, who give us just enough of their regard and complaisance to make us hunger for more. – Agnes Repplier

It is impossible to keep a straight face in the presence of one or more kittens. – Cynthia E. Varnado

It is very inconvenient habit of kittens that, whatever you say to them they always purr. – Lewis Carroll

Just watching my cats can make me happy. – Paula Cole

Kittens are angels with whiskers. – Alexis Flora Hope

Like all pure creatures, cats are practical. – William S. Burroughs

Making movies is like herding cats. – Eric Fellner

My relationships with my cats have saved me from a deadly, pervasive ignorance. – William S. Burroughs

No amount of time can erase the memory of a good cat, and no amount of masking tape can ever totally remove his fur from your couch. – Leo Dworken

No home is complete without the pitter-patter of kitty feet. – Unknown

No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens. – Abraham Lincoln

No one can truly understand the bond we form with the cats we love until they experience the loss of one. – Unknown

Of all God’s creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat. – Mark Twain

One cat just leads to another. – Ernest Hemingway

Owners of dogs will have noticed that, if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they will think you are God. Whereas owners of cats are compelled to realize that, if you provide them with food and water and affection, they draw the conclusion that they are God. – Christopher Hitchens

People who don’t like cats were probably mice in an earlier life. – Unknown

People with insufficient personalities are fond of cats. These people adore being ignored. – Henry Morgan

Perhaps one reason we are fascinated by cats is because such a small animal can contain so much independence, dignity, and freedom of spirit. Unlike the dog, the cat’s personality is never bet on a human’s. He demands acceptance on his own terms. – Lloyd Alexander

Sometimes losing a pet is more painful than losing a human because in the case of the pet, you were not pretending to love it. – Amy Sedaris

That’s the great secret of creativity. You treat ideas like cats: you make them follow you. – Ray Bradbury

The ideal of calm exists in a sitting cat. – Jules Renard

The memories and paw prints of a beloved cat remain in our heart and soul forever. – Unknown

The only thing a cat worries about is what’s happening right now. – Lloyd Alexander

The phrase “domestic cat” is an oxymoron. – George Will

The problem with cats is that they get the same exact look whether they see a moth or an ax-murderer. – Paula Poundstone

The smallest feline is a masterpiece. – Leonardo da Vinci

The trouble with sharing one’s bed with cats is that they’d rather sleep on you than beside you. – Pam Brown

The way to get on with a cat is to treat it as an equal – or even better, as the superior it knows itself to be. – Unknown

There are few things in life more heartwarming than to be welcomed by a cat. – Tay Hohoff

There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats. – Albert Schweitzer

There is, incidentally, no way of talking about cats that enables one to come off as a sane person. – Dan Greenberg

Those who’ll play with cats must expect to be scratched. – Miguel de Cervantes

Time spent with a cat is never wasted. – Colette

Time spent with a cat is never wasted. – Sigmund Freud

To err is human, to purr is feline. – Unknown

Way down deep, we’re all motivated by the same urges. Cats have the courage to live by them. – Jim Davis

What greater gift than the love of a cat? – Charles Dickens

When my cats aren’t happy, I’m not happy. Not because I care about their mood but because I know they’re just sitting there thinking up ways to get even. – Percy Bysshe Shelley

When Rome burned, the emperor’s cats still expected to be fed on time. – Seanan McGuire

When the cat you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure. – Unknown

You cannot look at a sleeping cat and feel tense. – Jane Pauley

You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat. – Albert Einstein

A cat bitten once by a snake dreads even rope. – Arab Proverb

A cat determined not to be found can fold itself up like a pocket handkerchief if it wants to. – Louis J. Camuti

A cat does not want all the world to love her. Only those she has chosen to love. – Helen Thomson

A cat doesn’t stroke us, they just rub against us. Cats are mysterious; they have more on their mind than we could ever imagine. – Walter Scott