A Poem by Pipkitten~ Opinions?

pipkitten • 19 November 2011 at 11:14 PM

Okay, so there's this writing contest about love that I'm debating on entering. I decided to do my potential entry in the form of a poem-ish thing. I need some opinions on it to see if it's good enough for a contest entry! 😊 Oh, and I forgot to mention that it can be a max of 75 words. If I remember right, it's currently at 72 words.

~Rainbow~

It comes in every color,
every shade, hue, and tone.
Red is passion,
bright and burning.
Orange is exotic,
tart and tangy.
Yellow is happy,
soft and mellow.
Green is life,
new emotions spring forth.
Blue is tranquility,
serene and pure.
Indigo is mystery,
enchanting and enigmatic.
Violet is deep,
unfathomable and velvety.
This is a rainbow,
the rainbow of love,
and the gender of those who share it
matters not.

classicaljitters • 19 November 2011 at 11:16 PM

this (in my opinion) is AWESOME! i think you should totally enter

pipkitten • 19 November 2011 at 11:20 PM

@Classicaljitters
Thank you~ ^^ I'm glad you deem it good enough for a contest.

musicgurl333 • 19 November 2011 at 11:33 PM

I like it. 😊 The only thing that I might add is one specific image for every color. Right now it's sort of general and abstract. I wouldn't take any of that out...but I might try to add to it. Give the reader some really vivid images that they can connect with. Engage the senses...touch, taste, smell, sight...you get the idea. 😊

That's just a suggestion, of course. I think it's already really good as it is, and I really like the message. 😊 I think you definitely have a chance...and with a few great images, it could be even MORE amazing! 😊

pipkitten • 19 November 2011 at 11:39 PM

@Musicgurl333
I'm glad you like it~ And thanks for the suggestion! ^^ But as much as I'd like to add some vivid images, I don't have enough "space" to do so without reworking the whole thing... It can only be 75 words long, and I'm at 72. ):

honor • 21 November 2011 at 11:10 PM

I need some more opinions! 😊 Anyone care to voice theirs?