My Egg Cave Story Prologue

pebblestar-nightclan • 22 December 2011 at 11:03 PM

This is an Egg Cave story, which I haven't named yet... I might start making a series but I need your feedback on the prologue...

A small Tasma puppy looked up to its mother, whimpering softly. The mother looked back. "Hush," she murmured. "It will be morning soon..." The Tasma, named Thalia, was the mother to only one surviving pup, named Kryplon. A small Colatay pup stepped into the den, seeking shelter from the rain. The cold, wet, stoney floor was of no comfort to the Tasma family, and wouldn't be to the Colatay either. The Colatay's name was Corrosion, and he wasn't an adult. As soon as he stepped in, he too whimpered. Thailia showed no signs of hurting Corrosion, but that may have only been because she was sick. She lied her head down and sheltered Kryplon with her warm fur. Corrosion crept up and lied down.
The next morning couldn't have been any worse. Thalia had fallen to her illness, which left Kryplon an orphan, and Corrosion with no approval.

"Who are you?" Kryplon asked.
"I'm... Corrosion... A Colatay," Corrosion replied.
"A... Colatay?" Kryplon asked. "I've never seen one of you before," he said thoughtfully.
Corrosion chuckled and weaved away from Kryplon. He was about to head outside, when a pang of guilt stabbed him. He turned back to Kryplon. "Follow me," he said, and then walked out into the sunny day.
Kryplon waddled over to Corrosion to follow him on his way out.

What do you think?