Is this a good thesis statement?

Deleted • 3 March 2012 at 9:07 AM

I'm getting pretty paranoid about my term paper, considering it determines if I pass this class or not. I CANNOT fail this class, I refuse to take the old bat once again. But anyways, my term paper is about Josef Mengele. It's due Wednesday, but all I have is the thesis so far. (xD) And it has to be absolutely perfect for her to give an A, so perfect it SHALL BE. Not really, anyways, I need someone to judge this thesis statement:

"Josef Mengele, more famously known as the angel of death during his time as an SS doctor at Auschwitz, manipulated his victims to trust him, only to be guided hand-to-hand to death."

I probably could make it better, or shorter, but I have no idea what I need to improve..

Deleted • 3 March 2012 at 9:15 AM

@dawnie

I would remove the "to trust him" segment. Also, "Angel of Death" should have a capitalized D and A because it is a title. It's pretty good from my standpoint c:

Deleted • 3 March 2012 at 9:17 AM

@Dawnie Ahaha. Old bat she is. Uhh, I'd just shorten it, keep details out, and only keep key points.

Deleted • 3 March 2012 at 9:19 AM

@Zumi oh, well of course I would've capitalized it on the actual paper, thanks! ^^

@_Batman Loool. She is, isn't she? She could drop any minute, I shouldn't that, but she's like what, 80?

Deleted • 3 March 2012 at 9:21 AM

@dawnie

It's a great thesis statement overall! 😊 If the history of the Holocaust interests you, I recommend you read "Night" by Elie Wiesel. It's wonderful~

jayjay1 • 3 March 2012 at 9:23 AM

lol XD haha now you got me wanting to read your paper it sounds good but i agree you should shorten it up a bit keep it short and to the point as my teacher always says he's forty six i think

Deleted • 3 March 2012 at 9:25 AM

@Zumi Thanks. (: We were already on the topic of the Holocaust. The experiments, and Mengele caught my attention. Maybe because I AM a twin, I dunno. Oooh, I was gonna check that out from my school library, but someone already had. I really want to though.


@jayjay1 Lol ;D Yeah, I'll just take out some things.

meixiaotian • 3 March 2012 at 9:26 AM

I think its fine.
I don't see any ways to shorten it, and It's all in all pretty good.

Deleted • 3 March 2012 at 9:26 AM

@dawnie

My Dad made me read it, 'cause my brother's in high school and he's reading it. Mengele wasn't really mentioned in it though, which I was a bit confused about. Because they were at Auschwitz.

Deleted • 3 March 2012 at 9:29 AM

@Dawnie She's like 70, maybe late 60's. DO THE RIGHT DOCUMENTATION THIS TIME.

Jordan, "..."<== That's a quotation.

XD

Use them and you'll be fine.

Deleted • 3 March 2012 at 9:35 AM

@_Batman SHUT UP! XD She didn't explain how to document it PROPERLY. But apparently she told me and not Freakin' Carrie 'cuz she got hers back. Stupid preppy people. I'll tell her my quotation button was broken. Loool.

@Zumi Hmm, I dunno. I figured he'd be in there..