Is this a good book? ( I wrote it)

hay7199 • 12 June 2012 at 5:21 AM

Its not done and I just started on it like 1 hour ago and I want to know if it is good and I should keep going.

http://www.missliterati.com/stories/4fd6f956358d27412f0a72c2

PLEASE post on what you think (here if you dont have an account or there if you do!)

angelofgrotesque • 12 June 2012 at 5:32 AM

@hay7199 I think it's a good idea, but it needs a lot of editing. Your grammar could be improved. No offense. 😊 It needs better language, to "flow" so to speak. It doesn't flow very smoothly. BUT. Like I said. Good idea. Just remember that there is always room for improvement.

writing • 12 June 2012 at 5:34 AM

@hay7199 There are a lot of spelling mistakes, not just one or two, but it cuts into the text. I'd suggest getting a spellchecker.

The writing itself isn't bad, but the plot doesn't really stand out to me, seems like a typical werewolf romance. But if you have a twist planned later or such, then that's fine, these are all just first impressions.

angelofgrotesque • 12 June 2012 at 5:37 AM

@writing awesome points. I didn't really know how to word it without sounding too mean because I was already being critical haha but yeah, there are a lot of werewolf, vampire, zombie-type books out these days and I don't know how wise it would be to invest a lot of time into something like what you have here just because there is too much of it in pop culture right now.

How about making him into something else? Do some research on ancient creatures, or creatures of myth and lore. Maybe you'll come across one that's even BETTER than the werewolf idea 😊

hay7199 • 12 June 2012 at 5:43 AM

@angelofgrotesque
@writing
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oh no this isnt going to be some frilly werewolf mb love story, this is going to be bloody and there are going to be twists and parts where a person is about to die then something unexpecting happens, there are going to be silver bullets and knives involved plus a few acusations mixed in there....

angelofgrotesque • 12 June 2012 at 5:46 AM

@hay7199 well hop to it, boy! 😊

You have much to learn, my young padawan. lol

hay7199 • 12 June 2012 at 5:49 AM

@angelofgrotesque
Hold on what? Im a girl -_-'

angelofgrotesque • 12 June 2012 at 5:50 AM

@hay7199 oh my bad haha I was looking at the sex of your Macaw X)

hay7199 • 12 June 2012 at 5:52 AM

Why would you think i was a dude because my macaw is a guy? X D *Thinking for ideas for next chapter...*

angelofgrotesque • 12 June 2012 at 5:54 AM

@hay7199 LOL honestly? Because I'm still a noob and didn't realize the male sign was for the bird o_o

hay7199 • 12 June 2012 at 5:59 AM

-_-... I have no words to express the things im feeling right now.... -_-'

zafeyry • 12 June 2012 at 6:30 AM

@hay7199

I'll help with the editing 😊

Front Page:

-supposed instead of saposed
-supposedly instead of saposadly
-typical instead of tipical
-Viewer instead of veiwer
-discretion instead of discression

Chapter 1:

-mother's instead of mothers
-tangled instead of tagled
-roar instead of rour
-ripping instead of riping
-instead instead of insted
-average instead of avrage
-peasant instead of pesant
-since instead of sence
-in the sentence that begins with "Ever since the day" there should be a period, not comma at the end of the sentence.
-wouldn't instead of wouldnt
-too instead of to
-such instead of sutch
-instead of "once a year" you can replace with annually to increase flow
-their instead of there
-every instead of ever
-and instead of an
-commotion instead of comotion
-carriage instead of carrage
-stepped instead of steped
-interest instead of intrest
-eyes instead of eye's
-wasn't instead of wasnt
-disappeared instead of disappered
-glimpse instead of glimps
-see instead of seen
-16th instead of 16
-nervous instead of nervos
-eyes instead of eye's
-approaches not approche's

And for the pictures, my english teacher always tells us to show, not tell. If you describe the people and get as detailed as the freckles on their face, it will make your writing better 😊 Also, these people don't look like they're from the 1700s, remember that you're in that time period 😊 I wish you the best of luck 😃

dionaea • 12 June 2012 at 6:50 AM

@hay7199

I agree with previous commenters on the spelling and subject issues, but would like to add that having a (VERY) common subject for your story doesn't have to be a problem. Everything has been done before, so changing the monster won't help, what counts is the story and the way it's written. As a matter of fact, people feel even more cheated if you write a similar story to something they know and just change the monster, I've seen plenty of unoriginality complaints like that on a manga site I frequent. Plus it seems like the werewolf is best suited for whatever you're planning with the whole forest thing I can't think of a monster which could fit right in to your first chapter without making changes. I can't really give much advice on what to avoid though, even when it comes to manga I don't generally read the longer ones with themes like this, I'm a oneshot addict.

There I go, rambling again... Anyhow, the core: clich?s aren't a problem as long as the story is written well. So do your best! 😊