Help-ish Rant?

cat • 4 December 2012 at 10:11 PM

Alright. Lemme start from the beginning.

I'm a 12 year old bilingual girl who lives in America. I have always spoken Finnish and English, since my dad is American and my mom is Finnish.
Before I moved here (I moved to America when I was six) I grew up with a best friend, Matilda. After I moved, we still talked on Skype twice every weekend and visited Finland every summer, but we began to grow apart. I have made tons of friends who now I have to consider better friends than her, which saddens me extremely much. I've started to get worse at speaking Finnish, and whenever anyone mentions anything about my bad grammar, I burst into tears. I don't know why, but when anyone says anything about it, I start to get tongue tied and my eyes begin to tear up. I want to be better friends with Matilda and speak better Finnish, but moving back to Finland is not an option. I wish I could move back, but I'm afraid of what would happen. I'm afraid about not fitting in, wearing weird clothing, speaking badly and getting fun of, and the fact that I'll miss my new friends so, so, much. I don't think I could take the heartbreak of leaving my friends again.

I'm usually a very sturdy girl, I hate crying in public and I rarely ever do cry, but recently (I presume it is because of puberty) I've been extremely emotional. I've already shed several tears just for writing this, and at dinner tonight, my brother commented about my grammar, and I just started to sob. I don't know what it is about. I don't know what makes me sadder, talking about my terrible grammar or thinking about Matilda.

Can anyone give me advice?

phoenixfox • 4 December 2012 at 10:23 PM

@cat It sounds like you're sensitivity to grammar is one in the same to the loss of your best friend. It feels like you are losing part of your identity, the piece that helps you connect.

Matilda is probably making new friends too. Its ok to grow apart, discover new interests, and meet new friends. Just remember friendship can last decades so try and stay in touch.

cynder5 • 4 December 2012 at 10:28 PM

@cat one way is to get Matilda to visit America sometime like winter break for her or spring break it might give youi a way to learn Finnish again and help you to bond again with your old frien

meta_knight_lover • 26 December 2012 at 11:46 PM

@cat

I'm not quite sure I understand why you're upset over your bad grammar. o.o But anyway, you know, many people have friends that we've just grown further apart from. My best friend when I was younger is no longer my best friend now. I sometimes look at her Facebook to see what she is doing, but I stay apart from her. I understand you don't want to give up your best friend, but it isn't as if she is your only friend, is she? You mentioned you have American friends that you like better than Matilda, so don't worry about leaving her behind. There's the old Girl Scout song:

"Make new friends
But keep the old
One is silver
But the other's gold."

So it's natural for you to change friends as you move through life. ^-^ Don't be ashamed that you have to leave your Finnish life behind. You will go through many changes in life, and we all understand this.

Deleted • 26 December 2012 at 11:53 PM

@cat
I would just practice my grammar and tongue. Maybe ask your Mom to help you out a bit, if you need it. Everything can be bettered with practice and it might be a bit uncomfortable at first. But once you start seeing the improvements, it will all be worth it.