irritating 'friend'

Deleted • 7 June 2013 at 9:40 AM

So theres this girl at school who hangs out with me and my friends....
We all kind of want her gone...
That sounds so mean :/
the way she acts isnt very appropriate at times and she can be really mean...
She swears so loud cinstantly, none of my friends really swear either, and at inapropriate places
She doesnt know when she's taken a joke too far and occasionally it becomes mean
She keeps picking fights with one girl in our group over small things, when my friend trys to just end the small little argument this other girl makes it huge

I feel so bad writeing all this but i just think she's the wrong sort of person to be hanging out with me and my friends and none of us know what to do, everyones tried telling her when shes doing something highly annoying, like the other day my friend said 'could you please not swear so often and so loudly' and she responded with how she'll do what she likes blah blah we've also tried just getting over it and being her friend...

All year shes been with the group, we've all had enough but none of us feel like we can just tell her to go away :/

What should we do?
Are we meant to just tolerate her or something?

glacias • 7 June 2013 at 10:05 AM

@eldnew
Perhaps you have to make small signals to show her it's really sarting to annoy you. When she's trying to be funny, don't do a fake laugh but just show her by facial expression that you don't like it. That way you don't have to say something. But don't look like she's smelling like poo or something, just make a neutral face.

If this doesn't work after a while, you need to talk to her (I'd do that if I were in your position). Let the person she likes the most in your group have a word with her. This way, she'll understand that even her 'best' friend in your group thinks that way.

After the little talk with this person, you could wait and see whether she's changed. If not, you could have a word with her in group.

Perhaps you could start the talk with saying positive things about her (we're glad you... It's nice when you...) Then you could say 'but when you do ..., we don't really like it. Of course, don't start saying things like 'we don't like you to be in our group' and stuff, but tell her what has been bothering you. Try not to raise your voice or anything, just speak calmly, even if she raises her voice. Make sure everybody of your group thinks the same. Perhaps you could use a bit of humor if that is possible on that moment.

Just mention the things you don't like, and perhaps ask her why she has to do that, or talk about the concequences of when she starts to swear (people start to think she's rude and impolite). Perhaps (if it's possible on that moment) ask her why she entered the group. Don't forget to mention the positive things too at the end again.

Try to think how she should feel. I've been through this myself (according to 'my friends', I wasn't extravert enough, so they said: If you don't change, we'll dump you). It really doesn't feel nice when you are pushed aside by people you thought were your friends. Try to be nice to her too, she's still a girl that wants to be with her friends.

Phew, that was a long reply...

whitefire • 7 June 2013 at 10:20 AM

@Eldnew
I know what you mean. :/ Last year (the school year's over for me, so I'll call it last year XD), there was this girl in my "friend" group who was the most annoying of us all. In art class, my table would take turns picking the music we listened to (we were allowed to bring our phones for music and stuff, but we always just used Paul's and Sarah's), but Madolyne would always bring her own music and ignore ours because we had different taste than her. She would be rude about our music then act offended when we told her she was being rude. She would never clean the table when it was her turn, and she would complain about it when she did. She doesn't swear or anything, but she listens to that popular inappropriate music so loudly that we can hear it even though she's wearing headphones and sings it too, and she won't stop when we ask her to. At lunch time, when I sit with a different group, she always sits there too and she's really annoying. She's always making things up, like this story about how she found a family of foxes in the woods that followed her home from a camping trip. One time, she argued with this other girl in our group (she's ALWAYS arguing with her, really) about a grilled cheese sandwich. Yes, a GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH. They argue about everything and always cry to me about it. She's really ingrateful when we do things for her, and she always begs for more food once she's finished her own. And she ALWAYS follows me around. :/

My advice is to ignore your "friend." That sounds kind of mean, but it's kind of the best way to go if she won't leave you guys alone. If you ignore her, she'll probably go away. Probably. I just transferred schools, so I didn't try it out since I knew I wouldn't have to deal with it next year. 😋 Anyways, try ignoring her, and if that doesn't work... Well, I'm out of room in this post, so just ask me later. XP

Deleted • 7 June 2013 at 10:37 AM

@glacias haha super long reply but super helpful 😊 we're all a little too afraid to say too much cos we dont want to upset her haha i like the idea of telling her what we like about her and what we find annoying 😊 do you think if we asked why she entered the group she would get offended? Im not sure ifid be offended if i was ever asked that so im not sure if she would be, but i do think finding out why would be good
Thanks for your advice 😊

@whitefire the art part sounds just like this girl
Grilled cheese sandwich, haha wow
It really irritates me when people ask for other peoples food
haha ignoring her might be hard to do but if everything else fails ill try that 😊

april__ • 7 June 2013 at 10:40 AM

@eldnew

I'm not the type that believes in 'hints' or beating around the bush.

Just tell her. Tell her that her behaviour is inappropriate and you guys don't appreciate it. Tell her that that has to change, or you don't want her around.

That's just me. Apparently it's uncommon to do things the direct way. XD

whitefire • 7 June 2013 at 10:51 AM

@April__
Whenever I want somebody gone, I always imagine telling them directly that they need to "drop the behaviour/accept me for who I am (depending on why I want them gone) or get out," but when the time comes to tell them, I'm always too afraid of hurting their feelings.
*Pokes status* I don't know how I'm going to survive the spiders when I'm living on my own. XP

@Eldnew
I ask for other people's food, but only jokingly because for some reason people like giving it to me anyway. 😋 The friend who Madelyne's always arguing with is really generous; she gives me french fries for no reason. She used to give Madelyne Doritos when we all sat together, but Madelyne was always rude to that friend afterwards. Anyways, I thought about this for a few minutes, and I think you should only ignore her when she's behaving like that. If nothing else that anybody here posted works, just ignore her entirely until she goes away. 😋 But try what everybody else says before you do either of those.

april__ • 7 June 2013 at 10:52 AM

@whitefire

Ah, yeah. I guess that's a problem. I kind of do it as gently as possible, but in the end, I want to feel comfortable. And yeah. XD

And that is the one downfall to living alone! I hate it. Gah.

whitefire • 7 June 2013 at 11:02 AM

@April__
I'm too blunt to be gentle. 😋 It's either swift, harsh, and clean, or not at all. Usually it's not at all until I get to a breaking point. In the last week of school, Madelyne and Aiste argued AGAIN. Aiste I just sorta ignored, but Madelyne, who is almost always the one causing the problem, I yelled at. First of all, she interrupted me when I was in the middle of a sentence, which she does ALL. THE. TIME. Second of all, she told me to go yell at Aiste for being mean to her, when I'm fairly certain she's the one who started it. And third of all, she is ALWAYS tattling on Aiste. It drove me insane! But I'm transferring, so it doesn't matter anymore. XP

Skeletons and falling aside, spiders are my worst fear. I hate them. And my sister, who is autistic, loves them. She'll pick them up, put them in a bug cage, then chase me around the house with them. And her favourites are black widows, which she has found and picked up three times without being bitten.