I feel dumb. =/

metaphor • 25 July 2013 at 9:45 PM

Yeah, idk really how to explain it. I guess it's like feeling fat, only you don't look in the mirror and go ew. More like, you think to yourself, "ugggh, you know what I'm really freaking stupid. Why would anyone think I'm smart?"

I guess it started earlier this week when I had to take these stupid assessment tests and I don't think I did as nearly as well as I could have done, especially on the reading. And then the stupid thing that chooses answers for you messed me up, so I got something wrongthat I otherwise would have gotten right. I just think that reflects badly on me, being an English major at all. I care way too much about what people think of my intelligence because I always assumed that's all I had going for me (I'm not a super genius by any means, but I think I have things to contribute in my areas of interests)


/end pity party

clayosaurusrex • 25 July 2013 at 9:50 PM

@metaphor

Oh, come on! I'm sure you did fine on those tests!

monchhichi01 • 25 July 2013 at 9:57 PM

@metaphor

Well I know one thing you're not dumb...

I know exactly how you feel... I hate when you know the answer, but it messes it up and then no one believes that I actually knew the answer... I'm also the same in the fact that I listen to what people say and think about me and believe it...





Now I don't know you, but I can tell you one thing... Don't listen to them. Your better than them and you both know it. You are your own person so don't let people convince you of your personality or how you look.... Because only one person can determine that... It's not me it's not them... It's you.


❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

metaphor • 25 July 2013 at 10:36 PM

@monchhichi01


❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

Well, I guess I could celebrate some more positive things...

-On Tuesday, I was offered a full-time position for the job I'm doing right now, which was supposed to be just a summer job. Yeah, anyone who knows what a bird is can do my job, but it's nice to know I'm wanted back anyway.
-Not having much luck with literary journals lately, but I have been getting a lot of encouraging rejection letters.
-I have wonderful professors to return to in the fall who know me beyond what some stupid tests say and want to see me succeed. Seriously, I think I'm so lucky to have the professors that I have had and will have.

@clayosaurusrex

Maybe not, but I'm an awful test taker and when the word test has such awful connotations to me.

monchhichi01 • 25 July 2013 at 10:38 PM

@metaphor
Oh cool! (If you don't mind me asking) What is your job?

Yeah it's great to have good professors! Or else life is terrible... ❤️

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

metaphor • 25 July 2013 at 10:47 PM

@monchhichi01

I work in the back of a pet store taking care of birds basically (the bird room, as it is called, is not owned directly by the store and is a separate entity). I do basic things like feed, give water, clean cages, catch fly-away birds, and sometimes but very rarely (will probably have to do it more often when I start working full-time) give sick birds medicine.

I also get to play with the cockatoos. I love it.😊

monchhichi01 • 25 July 2013 at 10:50 PM

@metaphor
Oh wow that sounds fun! ❤️


❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

metaphor • 25 July 2013 at 11:07 PM

@monchhichi01

When I saw that it was an option this summer, my eyes literally lit up. A room full of birds!

monchhichi01 • 25 July 2013 at 11:09 PM

@metaphor
That's so cool! ❤️

metaphor • 9 August 2013 at 6:57 AM

So rather than making another thread to throw a pity party for myself...the feeling of just feeling like the biggest idiot to roam the earth has returned.

I don't know why I keep feeling this way. I just feel so stupid, like a fake. I keep thinking of all the times I've "failed" (mostly when taking tests) and have actually been googling how bad these scores actually are (realistically, it's always my math scores dragging me down). Then there's this kids with whom I went to middle school who got like a 31 on the ACT and just feel so dumb. I got only a 26, and that was on my second try (Reading 33, English Composite 30, Science like 25, and the Math was so low it's embarrassing). I took the SATs too but those are too embarrassing to speak of.

This should all be in the past because I'm in college now but I just can't help feeling soooo dumb and comparing myself to others and how much smarter they are than I am.

I never thought there would ever come a day when I'd question my intelligence. Usually it's obsessing over my weight (which I actually do need to fix, objectively speaking).

It's just all that's been on my mind lately. How could I have possibly tricked so many people into actually believing I'm smart? All these professors even?


Ugh, sorry, I just had to get this off my chest.

I'm being playful about it with my mom (self-deprecating humor, namely calling myself a fatfatdumbdumb), but this is just eating me alive inside.

I start classes in just a couple weeks. Hopefully that'll make this all better rather than worse. *sigh*