Feeling like the biggest idiot alive and perfectionism

metaphor • 17 January 2014 at 11:16 PM

Yeah, I do, particularly in my Shakespeare class. Here everyone is making these great insights, and I can't even articulate a reading comprehension question into a clear, coherent answer. =/ I knew the answer to the question and raised my hand, but all that came out was word vomit. I don't even think it was a complete sentence. The professor got what I was saying, but did I ever feel dumber. I actually really like this professor and respect him, but I feel like I make it hard for him to respect me as much as he said he does in the past when I do crap like that.

Just ranting. I hope this is not indicative of how the rest of the semester will be. I am so stupid. Why do I even pretend not to be?

Also, do the people who put down those with perfectionist tendencies that do not necessarily do the best work even know anything about perfectionism? If being a perfectionist meant you were some superhuman who is able to achieve godly results every time, then there probably wouldn't be a need to be one. Sorry, that just bothers me. Yeah, I struggle enough worrying that I'm just useless and lazy and not actually capable of producing anything worthy of, well, anything. So great to be told that just because my product isn't A+ every time means I don't care about my work or don't put effort into it. =/

Probably shouldn't be getting so worked up. Such complaints are not even directed at me. But I can't help being annoyed and upset. Again, if everything I did ended up being the masterpiece I imagine in my head, I would never be afraid to work, right? Right?

*sigh*

hai • 18 January 2014 at 12:07 AM

@metaphor

That is exactly how I feel being in a very liberal arts program right now while I'm mostly a science oriented person.

I have trouble getting my ideas across while speaking so it can sound decent in my mind but it just sounds like a jumbled mess most of the time.

It is frustrating but mostly everyone I have talked to about this feels exactly the same way.

Hope things get better for you!

wolphire • 21 January 2014 at 11:23 PM

@metaphor

If your professor does not mind, then don't worry too much about it. I recommend ranting and talking out your frustration about this with a blunt, objective friend who can help you vent and see things differently.

To be honest, I tend to word things TERRIBLY when talking to people. I cannot say how many times my friends have made "That's what (s)he said" jokes to me because of my naturally ambiguous speaking structure. I've also alienated quite a few people by accidentally insulting them when I really meant to make a comment.

I see it as a chance to grow and hopefully practice being more articulate, but that's a gradual process that comes with practice, so please don't give up or get too frustrated! :<