Speaking my mind. =/

metaphor • 20 September 2011 at 8:41 PM

I did it and it turned out well, but why do I feel so horrible?

Social awkwardness sucks. =/

christened_moon • 20 September 2011 at 8:42 PM

You get used to it the more you do it. Eventually, people will learn to accept you for it. I was the same way. 😃

Deleted • 20 September 2011 at 8:43 PM

@metaphor You shouldnt feel bad! You stood up for yourself. I do that EVERYDAY!

icymuffin • 20 September 2011 at 8:45 PM

I felt that way all the time a few years back.
Then I just stopped talking one day. Well... shut my mouth at least. And it stayed that way for a long time.
But just 2ish years ago, a couple people barged into my life and accepted me the way I was. ^^

But then you learn to see the world in a new way, I think. ;]
Don't take it on yourself. That's something you should follow on, not just understand.

metaphor • 20 September 2011 at 8:46 PM

@christened_moon

I hope so.☹️

Now I feel like he's changing just because of me and that makes me a bigger inconvenience than I had been before.

@bluegirl80

Aww, I think all this is why I'm a target to people.
I don't speak much, so they don't expect a response.
He didn't expect all that from me, I'm sure.

christened_moon • 20 September 2011 at 8:48 PM

@metaphor If you think he's changing just for you and you don't like it, then it probably wasn't meant to last. On the other hand, maybe he's changing to make you feel less out of place. Talk to him and find out.

Deleted • 20 September 2011 at 8:51 PM

@metaphor The first day of school in my LA class we got assigned jobs for a part of a debate. I got- The person who says EVERYONES IDEAS! I was a very quiet person. Well its been a month so far, everyday we do a different debate and I have 5 minutes to make my own little script up and I have to encorperate everyones ideas. When I got up to talk and I was like a PERFECT debater the whole class started to laugh at me like "You FINALY show your voice to us?" but I ignored it. They all really wanna be on my side now. Because as EVERYONE in my class says Im an amazing Debater.

metaphor • 20 September 2011 at 9:00 PM

@bluegirl80

Wow, at least you were bold enough to go up and speak!
I always say I'm gonna do it, but then I freeze up in front of everybody and I look like a freaking idiot.


@christened_moon

Very true...
I mostly told him how I felt because at one point, I DID enjoy talking to him, before everything I said seemed like an inconvenience. Like, we're not all lovey-dovey anymore, and that's okay with me, I just wished we could still talk because he is a nice person even if he is a little self-centered at times.
And he said he understood where I was coming from.

But I still feel bad.☹️

Deleted • 20 September 2011 at 9:03 PM

@metaphor this was my thing the first time-

"Well uh.. we had the...... uh........ oh... um... fact that...... Uhhhhh...... Oh.. UH.... oh yeah blood is thicker then water isnt always true.... because ummm.. uh... //Shuffles throught papers.// friends.... are the only ones... you have sometimes?"


XD FAIL!!

Deleted • 20 September 2011 at 9:03 PM

I stood up for myself once.... I had to, the pressure was killing me. I. Didnt exactly feel like a million bucks afterwards, but I felt better....speaking your mind is just one of those difficult things of life... What did u speak ur mind about?????

cqpkytty • 20 September 2011 at 9:06 PM

@metaphor
Once, last year, I was going to read a poem I wrote out to the entire class (30 people) and I just looked up and I froze XD I was thinking, "They're going to hate it, they're going to laugh at me..." etc, when of course they wouldn't.
I went back to my seat and went after recess XD

metaphor • 20 September 2011 at 9:36 PM

@cqpkytty

Same thing happened to me this summer at my writing camp! Of course, it didn't help that I was one of the last people to read and the couple sitting behind me was whispering criticism to each other after every piece. By the time it was my turn, I went up to the podium and froze up and the professor ended up reading it for me. I had to block it out as she read because I felt so freaking stupid. =/

@icicle_9510

Last year, I met this guy with whom I have a lot in common. For a while, we actually were considering dating, but it was never really brought up again. Meanwhile, he treated me like a million bucks, called me every day, read his poetry to me for feedback, and came over my house a few times and treated me like a million times here.
Then comes summer...and he goes away to a few writing camps (as had I). I knew he was going to be all flirty there and since we weren't really anything, it didn't bother me...that much. He kept his phone off the whole time and finally called me when he was in New Haven with his family.
But then he returns and I'm a total stranger. He has some girls he met at one of the camps flirting with him on his fb and he seems to like them a lot. And I wouldn't care so much, if I wasn't important to him only to become secondary out of the blue.

So today...I told him off, that I didn't appreciate being dropped as though I didn't even deserve to be acknowledged about it, and now he seems to be all nice again. *sigh* =/

cqpkytty • 20 September 2011 at 10:33 PM

@metaphor
XD

nkiay • 20 September 2011 at 10:50 PM

@metaphor
How old are you again? It determines the guys in your grades intelligence twords girls and stuff. XD

But it sounds like he might not have really though of them(the other girls) as really being anything, or he was just excited to find girls flirting with him and jumped on the opportunity.

metaphor • 20 September 2011 at 11:49 PM

@nkiay

18. I'm a senior in high school, which might explain some things. Guys seem to be pretty hormonal around this time.😋

Thing is, he knows he can get girls to flirt with him. He even says it himself; he looked forward to going away for the summer because "he wouldn't have to commit to anything." And I suppose I don't really care because, as I said, it's not like we really are or have ever been anything. I'd just prefer not to be dropped like I'm no longer THE THING, if you get my drift. =/

I guess for the first time in my life, I feel like I need to matter to someone the opposite gender. I'm a little late...don't most people feel these things in middle school/early high school? Or I've just been really quiet all my life, and I don't really make up for it in physical appearance apart from being..."generously endowed" on certain parts of my body (if that makes sense, probably shouldn't be hinting at that on a site like this :x).
I liked being called every morning and being told he wanted me all to himself and getting kissed hello and goodbye when I would see him. I just see all of this as something that comes as rarely as an eclipse for someone like me. =/

nkiay • 21 September 2011 at 12:07 AM

@metaphor

Naw I wouldn't say you are late in that. Same for me only I was seventeen. But yeah it was late junior year to early senior year. I had a better relationship, all except maybe one, than the rest of my friends with high school relationships. Nothing wrong with waitin!! But there isn't anything wrong with wanting to feel wanted. 😃

Honestly he sounds like a douche, no offense, but if he is bragging like that and treated you that way, dunno sounds like he was taking advantage of you. Though it could be that he just didn't know you didn't felt he ignored you. In my opinion you should make him commit to being just friends or your boyfriend. You are kinda in between right now. :/

mightyeglantine • 21 September 2011 at 12:19 AM

@metaphor

I only speak my mind on three occasions

1.They are being completely rude to someone...

2.They are saying or enforcing something that is wrong...

OR

3.They say something to my face then I will go off on them..................

Other than that I sit in my classes silently and only talk in a low whisper...

metaphor • 21 September 2011 at 12:30 AM

@nkiay

Tbh, I am, and I really do want to be just his friend...I just kind of miss the affection, is all.
And yeah, there's no denying that he's a douche, but for whatever reason, I still think he's worth talking to. Maybe it's because we have so much in common. Maybe it's because as a writer, he's helped me grow a lot, even though I feel weaker as a person (which probably will make me stronger, eventually).

this is totally unrelated, but it also kind of makes me feel like utter crap when guys go on and on about "hot" girls or whatever because I know I could never be like that. I mean, I just don't have the facial structure or body type. And I know in reality, there are many kinds of beautiful (really, I know tons of guys who don't really find the conventional idea of attractive to be attractive, and truthfully, neither do I).
But perhaps if I were "hotter", people at that other school would have treated me better. I probably shouldn't be talking about that as it's all in the past now and I don't go there anymore anyway, but yeah.
It's kind of just come to the point where I don't see a purpose in spending hours on my gross hair and clothes when 95% I don't look even mildly attractive anyway. =/

*end rant*

nkiay • 21 September 2011 at 12:40 AM

@metaphor

I think you will see that change when you get to college. You can chose who to be friends with instead of being friends with someone who isn't that great but its all you have. Also I think that you will find guys will notice you more. 😊

schwartz • 21 September 2011 at 12:41 AM

@metaphor

I dothat sometimes on accident and some people get annoyed. I always feel like an idiot but you will get over. *pats you on the back and gives you a doovoo (that i dont have)*

metaphor • 21 September 2011 at 12:44 AM

@nkiay

Oh, maybe I should clarify that this guy doesn't go to my school. He lives an hour or two away from me, actually. I'm just admitting this now, but we met on Deviantart a few years back and talked awhile before I even let him add me on FB. I earned a Daily Deviation and I think he found me through that and he saw we both lived in the same state and so started a conversation based on that and how we both wrote. At first, he wanted to meet so we could write a collaborative piece. But when all this lovey-dovey stuff set in, that kind of all fell to the wayside.😋

nkiay • 21 September 2011 at 12:47 AM

@metaphor

Kay lol that makes more sense. The inital excitment wears down and then yeah...

You got a DD?!?!??! *envy*

metaphor • 21 September 2011 at 1:03 AM

@nkiay

Yeah, at first I was a little weirded out. And I say that because I wasn't really creeped out...just kind of confused as to why some random guy was so eager to talk to someone else who lived in the same state, wanting to know in what city exactly, on an ART site.😋
But once I talked to him and saw his slam poetry and choir videos and stuff and began to realize he was for real.
And see, he was so much more likable when it was just about writing to him (and me).

And yeah.😋
I was quite surprised myself.

evilyowling • 21 September 2011 at 1:56 AM

@Metapher

Your a lot like me. Although I'm still young so I haven't yelled out what is on my mind yet. Don't feel bad even though this is someone really like yourself. Because there are many other occasions you will be letting your mind out! Simply you two could be friends and such. But maybe in the future you two could even possibly be together. Even that's what he did to you. Hopefully things will work out soon. 😊

lunarstarz • 21 September 2011 at 2:22 AM

My opinion is that you should speak your mind, so people will know what type of person you are. If you put an act, you would need to act like that for a LONG time especially if someone likes you

However, you should be thoughtful of what you say. Just being honest isn't good; what type of help does "I actually hate you" in front of your friend?

Truth is, everyone has faults. And I sometimes hate that 😋

There is a friend in my school who is rather mischievous and gets glares from teachers every now and then. But whenever she says something, it isn't usually hurtful yet still honest. Her behaviour I would also consider honest, though I advise you people not to do a funny dance in front of everyone.

I speak my mind, not too often, but I do a lot.

EDIT= I just read what I just typed, and I don't really think I'm much help 😸

metaphor • 21 September 2011 at 10:07 PM

@evilyowling


It's a nice thought, but in reality, he just doesn't seem like relationship material, at least not to me at the moment. =/ I can't see it being very healthy or productive, so for now I think it's best we just talk like well-acquainted writerly friends.^^