Please rate my poem?

pizza5pizza5 • 24 September 2011 at 5:13 PM

I appreciate constructive criticism, this poems topic means a lot to me. I hope you like it!


Across The World

This summer,
I called it across a lake.
Whenever i left,
It was across a state.

I left,
Then came back again,
Although it was 200 miles,
Away from my friends.

One day we drove back,
Little did we know we were driving back
To silence.

The weekend was quiet,
The lake was still.
And they didn't come back, against my will.

Those 5 other people,
Who i met over 2 months;
Who made my summer and my soul
Complete.

The pool hall was empty,
The arcade was closed.
Then reality hit me.

I wasn't going to see them
Until next summer.

And although we had always been
Across a lake,
Then across
A state,
it feels like we are now
Across the World.

redfire77 • 24 September 2011 at 5:17 PM

@pizza5pizza5

that's good, is it about summer camp or something? like people you met there? I think you should have some figurative writing in there. You also have some comma issues 😋 I like how the beginning and the end are the same.

pizza5pizza5 • 24 September 2011 at 5:18 PM

@redfire77

Yeah, im bad with my punctuation 😋

Thanks, though!