Re-Writing a Few of the Archives Entries?

lizardfeather • 3 October 2011 at 8:35 PM

It's just that the styles and QUALITY are like crazy-different 0.0 I mean no offense to the people who write the entries, but the styles just clash a bit:

The Nipha:

Long ago, before the Fall (or "Second Drowning") of Ark, the isle of Ark was covered with permanent tundra and snow. The only species that lived at that time were Nipha. There were the four tribes of Nipha: Aan, Baa, Cen, and Daan. All harnessing their unusual metaphysical properties from conception, each tribe specialized in a form of bending the natural elements of Ark, which were Air, Earth, Water, and Fire. Peace between the four tribes abruptly ended, when the Daan, possessing the ability to bend Fire, attacked and wreaked havoc on the other three tribes.
[LALALA the Avatar Story xD ok cutting the rest out of this description]

Compared to the Solis:

"Solises are gentle and kind creatures. They are capable of carrying abnormally heavy weights with their wings. But the most remarkable thing about Solises is when they sing. Their songs are haunting and beautiful, full of movement and melody. Their songs are said to be ancient and prophetic [e.o sentence length is weird compared to the last]."

If you compare the two, the Solis is a bit choppy in flow and the NIpha has like a whole lore concept going there... some of them need a bit of editing so they're consistently of an epic quality 😊

rosey77 • 3 October 2011 at 8:42 PM

It's funny, I kinda like the Solis one better. I guess the archives descriptions could use a bit of redoing, but for the most part I like them.

pipkitten • 3 October 2011 at 8:48 PM

I agree. The flows of the descriptions are completely different. But sometimes that's good; it adds variety. 😊

The Nipha description has a nice flow to it, and though it's long, a good story.

Honestly, I don't know if whoever the author is just didn't have much time on their hands for some "serious business" writing, but the choppiness of the Solis desc. is somewhat annoying to read.
There are places where a comma could've been added or details could be combined/added/remixed to make it have a better flow and be easier on the reader, so to speak.

I mean no offense, but it (meaning the Solis description) could use a bit of a face-lift. ^^;

lizardfeather • 3 October 2011 at 8:54 PM

@rosey77 Well it's always a matter of opinion but if you look at just the way the sentences string together, for example instead of

"Their songs are haunting and beautiful, full of movement and melody. Their songs are said to be ancient and prophetic"

You could say something like (not trying to imply I'm any better than they who make it are xD):

"The song of the Solis carries a purely divine melody, so much so that passersby, caught in the haunting movement, have concluded that the chants must be prophetic."

rosey77 • 3 October 2011 at 8:56 PM

Ooh. I like it. 😃 Yeah, that would be nice. But I do like the way the sentences are structured now.

lizardfeather • 3 October 2011 at 9:03 PM

Hmmm maybe it's not so much the difference of styles but the gradual degrading of the quality :/ I don't know if it's just more rushed now or what, but I'll just put up another example:


Bunthoff:

This egg is endangered.

When carrying Bunthoff eggs home, be careful as to which surfaces the egg touches, because these eggs have a very dirty, chalk-like powder that rubs off. Due to the unique mixture of oils within this powder, it is incredibly difficult to wash the dirt off with soap and water. These eggs are pretty rare too. They are typically found buried in the Egg Cave, so it's best to dig if you want one of these eggs.

Vampyr:
This egg was only available in Egg Cave's Cash Shop Park for October 2011.

I mean it's not even describing the egg >.<"

lyricgeek • 3 October 2011 at 9:57 PM

@lizardfeather
Agreed but I wouldn't want them to change completely/a complete new story, just a few tweaking here and there would be nice 😊

feathershaft • 4 October 2011 at 3:51 AM

@lizardfeather LOLz!

dionaea • 4 October 2011 at 4:01 AM

@lizardfeather

I completely agree, there are even some with grammar/spelling errors nowadays, off the top of my mind I wouldn't know which, but I know there are a couple around. And yeah, the descriptions are less complex and egg descriptions are rare altogether these days...

@lyricgeek

I don't think that's what lizardfeather means, it's not rewriting it to a new story, it's just a revamp of what is already being said, the example with the last two sentences of the Solis's description is striking.