because I feel comfortable with you guys...

metaphor • 11 October 2011 at 11:32 PM

really, I do.
I don't really feel it's best to bring anyone irl into this right now.

But

I'm feeling pretty darn depressed.
I guess it's been going on for more than a week or so. And I keep catching myself trying to comfort eat. Or not eat at all. I want to randomly break down at random points almost every day, I just feel like a disgusting inconvenience to everyone. I want to look nice, but most of the time I just don't see a point because I'll just be overlooked at the most. Or I'll, you know, still be freaking hideous to everyone.

I get pretty jealous easily too. I know, I'm horrible for this, you can tell me. There's this new girl in my chemistry class, you see, and I kind of want to not go back because all of a sudden all the guys surround her table and it makes me feel crappy because I know that if I were the new girl, everyone would be trying to stay far away from me because I'm a nasty piece of crap (been there, done that).

So yeah...pity party.
Sure it'll pass eventually, but I'm having a hard time right now.

tl;dr Yeah, Miss "Be Confident!" here can't even take her own advice.
And I never could.

eclipse • 11 October 2011 at 11:39 PM

http://cuteoverload.com/

Try this ^^

pipkitten • 11 October 2011 at 11:39 PM

@Metaphor
You're not a nasty piece of crap! D: I think you're a very kind and awesome person~
I hope everything gets better for you soon! ❤️

P.S. If you'd like, I could draw something for you to cheer ya up a bit~ 😊

whitefall • 11 October 2011 at 11:41 PM

Aww. D:
Don't feel depressed...

We all have a purpose,
And yours is something much greater that being noticed by idiotic-high schoolers.

smilies • 11 October 2011 at 11:42 PM

@metaphor Those guys aren't worth it anyway 😋 I go to an all-girl school, so... X)

I dunno about the food thing. Lately I've had these weird urges to snack continuously XD But I don't 😋

whitefall • 11 October 2011 at 11:44 PM

Yeah, I usually stuff myself with food every 20 minutes anyway, so it doesn't really matter.

I usually play my violin when I'm sad... 😋

eclipse • 11 October 2011 at 11:47 PM

OMNOMNOM.

Food is yummy. o-o

metaphor • 11 October 2011 at 11:48 PM

@whitefall

I guess...=/
I suppose I just wish I mattered to someone, anyone.

That guy? Yeah, he started calling again. and as strong as I try to be, I know I'll probably end up crawling back to him if he wants me, just for the reassurance.

@smilies

I'd probably still get sick with jealousy all the time no matter where I went.😋


I wish I could be "hot".
I know it seems shallow, but then maybe I'd matter to people.

whitefall • 11 October 2011 at 11:50 PM

@metaphor

):

You matter to more people you think.

redfire77 • 11 October 2011 at 11:51 PM

@metaphor being "hot" isn't everything! I'm sure you matter to lots of people. 😸 you're funny. and pretty awesome. 😃 just tell that to yourself everyday XD

whitefall • 11 October 2011 at 11:55 PM

Plus being "hot" attracts people to you by looks not personality. So they wouldn't actually be yours friends. ;P

smilies • 11 October 2011 at 11:58 PM

@metaphor Me too, I know exactly how you feel. There's this girl in my class, she is SOO pretty. And everyone knows it, and no one feels comfortable. But she's really nice, so you can't really feel jealous... 😋
And I really want to go to the school dances, but there'd be no point, I'd just be sitting on the sidelines...
But you know what? I just turn around and say, "Who cares?"
And I do care, so it doesn't make any sense 😋
But then again, I don't REALLY care. I just forget about it XD
(Not making much sense XD)

metaphor • 11 October 2011 at 11:59 PM

@whitefall

I know, but...it's something.
I know, I know, I'm being horrible. Any sensible person would know my perception is totally screwed up. It's some form of admiration, and I really long for that. I pretend not to care, but I know I want it. I know it's silly. I know I have only like six month left of high school and after all this I'll be in college doing what matters to me...and who knows, perhaps even meet people--both guys and girls--who think with their head.
But right now...nothing seems to matter but being some beautiful person who can turn heads.

Deleted • 12 October 2011 at 12:02 AM

@metaphor

Lulling meadow fields,
whipser among me,
the gentle caressing wind it's hand wiping my cheek,
I ask," Am I loved?"
meadow ringing," Love is all around you,"

Your essence, life, breath, and soul are bounded by friendship. they care. they are the meadow. 😊 You help carve a part of their life, be strong, willing, caring.

icymuffin • 12 October 2011 at 12:03 AM

@metaphor

I have nothing much to suggest to you, but...
I'm in a similar situation too x/
//dies inside//

Hm. But...
Though it may sound lame, I find that people who just follow their gut feeling and ignore the views that others place upon them helps them imensely.
So I guess... just go for it.

silver_winged • 12 October 2011 at 12:06 AM

@metaphor
Don't feel alone. :/ I've been feeling kind of the same thing. For homecoming at my school, you have to get asked to be able to go. I've never been asked, and I'm pretty sure I'm never going to be asked, but I still burn up with jealousy every time some girl in my first period gets flowers and a card delivered to her.

I don't really have any advice to offer- we're in the same boat, after all . . . But try and keep your head up?

metaphor • 12 October 2011 at 12:06 AM

@pipkitten

If you'd like...you could draw me a bird. ❤️

@silver_winged

Yeah, definitely know how you feel. =/
It's like, "Well, I guess I'm just the bottom of the barrel then. Not even a last resort."

pipkitten • 12 October 2011 at 12:08 AM

@Metaphor
I'd love to draw you a bird~ ^^ I don't know If I'll have it finished by tonight, though...

silver_winged • 12 October 2011 at 12:12 AM

@metaphor
Yeah, exactly. :/ And all my friends have already gone and they say that I probably wouldn't like it, but that's not really the point, y'know? It's about knowing/meeting somebody that wants to take you.

I'm not either- I've scheduled an extended family party/get-together thing on that date for a reason. You should go to prom if you have fun at dances and stuff. (I'm no social butterfly- I always feel a little awkward.) If not, then save the dress money and buy yourself something else nice. c:

yogurt • 12 October 2011 at 12:15 AM

@metaphor
I'm feeling the exact same way. *sigh* I could go through a whole day without saying a word to anyone... and I'm not confident at all. I'm quite chubby but not fat. >.< People could go through a whole school year and never talk to me. not even once. I'm like just there but I'm invisible... Well most people just think I'm smart and I don't talk because I have better things to do so they leave me alone. DX

nkiay • 12 October 2011 at 12:16 AM

@metaphor
*pat pat* S'all right things will get better. Everyone is allowed to have a down week or two. 😊

metaphor • 12 October 2011 at 12:16 AM

@silver-winged

Yeah, I guess it wouldn't matter either way, because I'm darn sure that when I do get a guy's attention, he's just screwing around. I mean, me out of tons of other attractive girls? Surely you can't be serious. If they are sincere, then all I can think that they are attracted to is...my better endowed parts of my body.

Prom just reminds me of how I almost went to one with someone who was like infatuated with me last year (sure, he turned out to be a jerk, but he made me feel like I'm not completely hopeless. And he doesn't even go to my school...)
It never went through, though. =/
And I'm pretty sure someone being attracted to me is as rare as a solar eclipse.

@yogurt

I don't talk either, which I suppose is my downfall, but I guess it doesn't matter because if I were actually someone people wanted to talk to, they would.
I'm chubby, too. I'm just have tons of butt and...other things. Probably my only "redeeming qualities," as pathetic as that is.

cafe • 12 October 2011 at 12:20 AM

@metaphor


You matter to me

silver_winged • 12 October 2011 at 12:23 AM

@metaphor
Not trying to pity party, sorry. This is your board.

If you feel like it might be okay, you might try and find somebody to talk to, like a school counselor. Since you're willing to talk about it on EggCave, I think that might help. I've been really unhappy lately, so on the suggestion of someone else I'm going to try.

nkiay • 12 October 2011 at 12:26 AM

@Cafe
I just like you more and more everyday! 😃


@Metaphor

You have been given whatever it is you have, it's not going to change, all you can do is make it work for you. 😊

Plus even if you were "prettier" the people that are attracted to you won't really be attracted to //you// don't you want someone who loves you for everything you are as well as everything you aren't? I know I would much rather have someone love the good and the bad about me rather than just the good. 😊

cafe • 12 October 2011 at 12:32 AM

When someone truly loves you, they'll love you. Faults and all. No one else really matters.


That aside, I got lollipops once (In school we gave lollipops) but they were joke ones.

They were from the three hotest boys in school, and a secret admirer. They all had the same hand writing.
People do that to make fools of others
So I just threw the notes away, and kept the lollis. Free candy.


my dad, in 8th, gave candy to //Everyone// Who didn't get a valentine, the teachers flowers, and me a buquett.
they had to carry the kids stuff with more than one person. I saw people cry. I was confused as to why people were hugging me.


He spent 800 on everyone.
Candy was 1.00
Flowers were 5.00

metaphor • 12 October 2011 at 12:45 AM

@silver_winged

My school counselor really isn't the best, but I do see someone. I haven't in a few weeks, but I have an appointment for next week.

@nkiay

Well, when you put it that way...
God, I can't wait to get out of high school. I really can't. Maybe I'll stop breaking out from stress all the time, too. =/

Additional rant: UGGGGH the art museum's site is being weird and I need one more piece to write about so I can submit all three poems before I go to bed.

nkiay • 12 October 2011 at 1:53 AM

@metaphor

You'll get there! 😃 Try to enjoy what you have left of High school as much as you can. 😊

angel_star • 12 October 2011 at 2:01 AM

@metaphor

O_O , basically the same thing happens t ome because


the 'popular' trio of girls next RIGHT NEXT TO ME

and al the random guys

TALK TO THEM ALL THE TIME

BUT then... I can't rally complain cos there are even more lonely in my class ☹️

Plus, it's not as if you are hated by everyone in the world.... right>

metaphor • 12 October 2011 at 2:20 AM

@nkiay

I'll try. I hope I at least end up somewhat not-worthless to make up for my lack of physical beauty.