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crazy4life • 29 October 2011 at 2:21 AM
Hmm... I am always on a look out for new jokes to add to my mental collection. I have a few that always seem to draw a smile at the expense of guys, but that's life.Go ahead and share your best joke/funny storyI will start...Three men were on a boat fishing when one of them caught a mermaid. She told them she would grant each of them one wish if they let her go. They agreed.The first man asked to be a genius composer. The mermaid waved her hands and he began to hum a tune while his mind was filled with sounds of dozen of instruments- He would go on to be one of the greatest composers of this century.The second man asked to become a genius scientist. The mermaid waved her hands and he began to recite quantum physic equations. He would later become a world renowned scientist for NASA.Not to be out done, the third man asked to be the smartest being on the world. "Are you sure about that?" asked the mermaid, "You might not like the result." The man insisted so the mermaid waved her hands and............ the man turned into a woman.
zafeyry • 29 October 2011 at 12:04 PM
Sexist much?
Deleted • 29 October 2011 at 12:08 PM
@Zafeyry Oh please. Guys are way more sexist.
zafeyry • 29 October 2011 at 12:09 PM
@dawnieAm I all guys?
Deleted • 29 October 2011 at 12:10 PM
@Zafeyry Just sayin. Plus, it's just a joke. . >__>
zafeyry • 29 October 2011 at 12:15 PM
Nothing.
rosey77 • 29 October 2011 at 12:22 PM
..
zafeyry • 29 October 2011 at 12:23 PM
@rosey77Sorry, trapped inside and it's freezing plus I'm tired.@dawnieSorry to you too.
rosey77 • 29 October 2011 at 12:24 PM
@zafeyry That's okay. Let's see, have a good joke? Hmm, let me think of one.....Haha, I can't think of any. I should think harder. 😋
zafeyry • 29 October 2011 at 12:25 PM
@rosey77I can't think of any either.
lawrence5555 • 29 October 2011 at 12:31 PM
i got one!so this little indian girl goes to her dad and she asks:dady why did you name my sister what she is?and the dad says:because when i looked outside the hut when she was being born i saw a beautiful rose.and the girl says:why did you name my brother what he is?and the dad says:because when i looked outside the hut when he was being born i saw a gallant horse.and the girl asks:then why did you name me what i am?and he says:because when i looked outside when you were being born i saw a little dog pooping!
Deleted • 29 October 2011 at 12:33 PM
@Lawrence5555 Ewwieee xD
lawrence5555 • 29 October 2011 at 12:36 PM
@dawnie HEE HEE!
Deleted • 29 October 2011 at 12:37 PM
@Lawrence5555 Tell me another! 😃
lily- • 29 October 2011 at 12:40 PM
@crazy4lifeMedicineI'm not sure if it's good but I'll have a go:-An alien lands on a farm on earth and looking at the farmer disguises himself as a human. He wants to learn new things and hears the grazing sheep saying meh. But he cannot pronounce that and starts saying "me" instead repeatedly.He then walks and finds himself in the local village. He goes to a restaurant where someone's handing and calling out "knifes and forks" and so he learns how to say "knifes and forks".He then goes into a church where everybody is singing "Hallelujah" and he learns how to say "Hallelujah".He then walks through the village again and there's been a murder and the police are there.When the police ask who killed this person the alien starts saying "me, me, me, me, me, me".They then ask him how you did this and the alien replies "knifes and forks"They then tell him you're going to jail and the alien sings "Hallelujah".I hope this is okay.@lawrence5555lol😃
lawrence5555 • 29 October 2011 at 12:42 PM
@dawnieso this senator goes to give a speech to a big tribe of native americans. so he does his speech and they keep screaming OOMPA, OOMPA! so he assumes it means something like encore in native american. so he does he speech a couple more times and it's time to go. So, when he goes to his plane he says to the chief:bye the way what does OOMPA mean?and the chief says:it mean bulls--t!
Deleted • 29 October 2011 at 12:43 PM
@Lawrence5555 Hehehehe, sounds about right ;D ~!
lawrence5555 • 29 October 2011 at 12:44 PM
@dawnie heehee i know quite a few jokes shall i tell some school jokes?
Deleted • 29 October 2011 at 12:44 PM
@lawrence5555 Sure ^.^
lawrence5555 • 29 October 2011 at 12:48 PM
okay here they are:TEACHER: Why are you late?STUDENT: Class started before I got here.TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .. MARIA: Here it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ? CLASS: Maria. TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables. TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' TEACHER: No, that's wrong GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD: H I J K L M N O. TEACHER: What are you talking about? DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O. TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WINNIE: Me! TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
whimsical • 29 October 2011 at 12:50 PM
I'll try my best:A panda walks into a cafe and goes up to the counter, looking as though he's going to order. Suddely, he takes out a gun and shoots the man behind the counter. The man staggers back, flailing and shouting (luckily the injury was not fatal). The Panda turns to leave. 'Why did you do that??' screamed the man. Slowly the Panda turns round, and says: 'Look panda up in the dictionary. It will say: The Panda eats shoots and leaves.'
lawrence5555 • 29 October 2011 at 12:51 PM
@dawnie i hope you like them ( i have more above )TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. ' MILLIE: I is.. TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.' MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.' ________________________________ TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him? LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand..... ______________________________________ TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook. ______________________________ TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his? CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog. ________________________________ TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? HAROLD: A teacher
Deleted • 29 October 2011 at 12:52 PM
@Lawrence5555 ROFL. Those cracked me up xD
lawrence5555 • 29 October 2011 at 12:53 PM
@dawnie 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 well i'm going to log off 😃 see ya!
lily- • 29 October 2011 at 12:58 PM
@lawrence5555Wow. lol. Good jokes!
randomkitty17 • 29 October 2011 at 3:14 PM
My joke is a bit similar to one of @lawrence555 's jokes, but I still think it's pretty funny.A mother cow is grazing in a meadow when her calf comes wandering up. "Mama, why did you name me Daffodil?" the calf asked. "Well, when you were born, a daffodil fell on your head, so I named you Daffodil." the calf was satisfied and walked away. The next day, the mother's second calf walked up to her. "Mama, why did you name me Daisy?" the baby cow asked. "Well, when you were born, a daisy fell on your head so I named you Daisy." the calf nodded and walked away.The next morning, the cow was grazing in the field and her third calf runs up. "BLGJHNIJFNTDR!" the calf said. "SHUT UP, BRICK!" The mama cow yelled back.
crazy4life • 29 October 2011 at 3:50 PM
@lawrence5555@lily-@whimsical@randomkitty17Good Ones!A woman is walking past a school yard's wooden fence when she hears a group of kids chanting "23...23...23..." Curious, she tries to peek into the yard through a small hole in the fence. Suddenly one of the kids pokes her in the eye. The kids began laughing and chanting "24...24...24..."
Deleted • 29 October 2011 at 4:49 PM
Lol guys xDI saw this one on FB:Child: Excuse me, teacher?Teacher: Yes?Child: Would you punish me for something I didn't do?Teacher: No.Child: Oh good because I didn't do my homework.
crazy4life • 30 October 2011 at 1:40 AM
@icicle_9510 That's a good one!Here is one for anyone living in a religious neighborhood 😊(No offense meant to anyone)Note before hand: Lent is a time when Catholics do not eat meat on Fridays. They may eat fish on Fridays.An atheist moved into a Catholic neighborhood during Lent. Every Friday the atheist would fire up his grill and cook juicy steaks, causing distress to his neighbors who could only smell the steaks and suffer. They complained to the local pastor and asked him to do something. The pastor paid a visit to the atheist and asked him if he would like to be baptized as a Catholic. The atheist thought about it and agreed. Later in the year he was baptized :"You were born an atheist, raised an atheist, and now you are Catholic"The neighborhood felt a sense of relief as Lent rolled around again, sure they wouldn't be subject to the scent of cooking steaks on Fridays. On the very first Friday the strong smell of cooking steaks filled the neighborhood. The pastor was called to check it out. When he went to the ex-atheist's house he heard him say "You were born a cow, raised a cow, and now you are fish."