I wrote a song...

dreamer • 27 November 2011 at 12:24 AM

...And I'd like help improving, editing, covering, and naming it.

It has a bit of slow rapping in it, and the beat is tricky, that's my issue.

Anyways, I need help thickening the lyrics, and I would also like it if anyone was able to cover a version of the song or help me name it?


The lyrics wouldn't fit in this post, so if anyone's interested in hearing the song, ping me here and I'll post parts of it (But I'd need people to comment in between so I can squeeze it all in!)

Anyone interested?

Deleted • 27 November 2011 at 12:24 AM

Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ! (: Trolo, I just wanna hear it I'm horrible at everything else xD

dreamer • 27 November 2011 at 12:27 AM

@Dawnfur Yayyy I got osme takers! XD

So here's the deal, I post the first two verses of the song and then you post a *meaningful* comment and I'll keep doing that until I get in the whole song. xD

Kay? Ready goooo First two verses:

Now please tell me boy, where's your heart?
Was it there from the very start?
I guess I just missed that part,
The part I couldn't outsmart, yeah.
I could try for days and days,
Just looking for all of the ways,
To do what I think is right,
So I don't keep you away.
I wonder what you're thinkin'
Wonder what fills your mind.
And I wonder if anything 'bout me
Could ever get intertwined.
I know I'm sure not perfect,
But I think I could be worth it,
So why don't you open those pretty eyes
And just think about ME!

Now what if I said I liked you?
Maybe you'd think I was lyin' to you,
Maybe you'd think I was dyin' for you,
Maybe you'd know I was tryin' for you?
No matter what, I'm flyin' to you
And your heart, and your mind,
'Cuz you're in mine all the time.
I just want you to know,
I wish you were mine,
Wish you were mine m-mine, m-mine, m-m-mine,
All mine, all mine, all m-m all mine, yeah-eah.

okaysister • 27 November 2011 at 12:37 AM

@dreamer I just randomly clicked on this topic and saw your song lyrics. They're really good! I'm not kidding! I love it! 😃

dreamer • 27 November 2011 at 12:39 AM

@Okaysister Thanks! 😊 I'm still trying to figure out a beat for the song though. 😋

Here are the next two verses:

Now tell me boy,
If for one year, the sun didn't shine?
If for one full year, not a single army would stand in line.
What if we were all alone,
With thoughts to share and hands to hold,
'Cuz I'd share with you,
Anything, just to know ya.
What if you were dying
With no one by your bedside?
'Cept for me, yes me,
Would you stray from the light?
Would you tell me what was on you mind?
What I had wished for all this time?
Or would you turn me down,
And just assume it was fine?
Imagine if we never died,
Imagine if my love did subside,
You might crawl back to me,
And I'd say that I had lied,
Now would that be a good life?
Full of pain and regret?
"Oh crap! I shoulda got her before,"
Do you really want that?

Now what if I said I liked you?
Maybe you'd think I was lyin' to you,
Maybe you'd think I was dyin' for you,
Maybe you'd know I was tryin' for you?
No matter what, I'm flyin' to you
And your heart, and your mind,
'Cuz you're in mine all the time.
I just want you to know,
I wish you were mine,
Wish you were mine m-mine, m-mine, m-m-mine,
All mine, all mine, all m-m all mine, yeah.



Two more verses after this. 😋

Deleted • 27 November 2011 at 12:43 AM

This is really good Dani ❤️

dreamer • 27 November 2011 at 12:45 AM

Here's the end of ths song:

Now here we stand,
Hand in hand,
I've found your heart, your soul, your mind,
And at the best part, I wake up and find,
I'm dreaming!
I'm falling!
Deeper and deeper,
I've found a sharp cliff,
Getting steeper and steeper.
So where is the good?
Tell me now!
What would you say...
What would you say to me,
Where and how?

Now what if I said I liked you?
Maybe you'd think I was lyin' to you,
Maybe you'd think I was dyin' for you,
Maybe you'd know I was tryin' for you?
No matter what, I'm flyin' to you
And your heart, and your mind,
'Cuz you're in mine all the time.
I just want you to know,
I wish you were mine,
Wish you were mine m-mine, m-mine, m-m-mine,
All mine, all mine, all m-m all mine, yeah,
Yeah.



What do you guys think? 😊

pebblestar-nightclan • 27 November 2011 at 1:01 AM

Pretty good, lol. Very long though?

trish • 27 November 2011 at 1:01 AM

@dreamer I read your song in the tune of Mistletoe by JB. You should try it, it sounds UBERLY cool & right. XD

dreamer • 27 November 2011 at 1:04 AM

@Trish D8 DON'T YOU DARE COMPARE MY SONG TO JB. D8 *pukes*

Ya, I'm one of the haters. And proud. ^^

Idk, I mean, I guess it could work...

But I wanna be original.

You know, those copyright people are really strict... O_o


@Pebblestar-nightclan I write a lot. 'nuff said.

pebblestar-nightclan • 27 November 2011 at 1:05 AM

@dreamer

Lol, I hate JB too. Very much so... Good job, anyways!

trish • 27 November 2011 at 1:06 AM

@dreamer Nuuuuu! Seriously. 😱 Puberty passed. HE ACTUALLY SOUNDS MUCH BETTER! IT'S THE RIGHT TUNE FOR YOUR SONG!

dreamer • 27 November 2011 at 1:07 AM

@Trish I know, I know, I knowwww about all that. xD I admit it's given him a better voice. Just a *little* more time to mature and I think my hatred will settle. >;D

Deleted • 27 November 2011 at 1:09 AM

@Trish TOOK LONG ENOUGH.

Still not a fan though ^-^

dreamer • 27 November 2011 at 1:12 AM

@Dawnfur Ikr?!

What type of person (even if a boy) starts that at 17?!?!!?

I don't mean to creep anyone out. xD I mean come on, I was freakin' 10 (almost 12 now). He's 17. WHAT NOW.


On to normal conversations... O_O

@Trish it's just that my song is supposed to be slow rapping in the first and third verses, so I don't think it would work. 😋

Deleted • 27 November 2011 at 1:15 AM

@_batman beat him by like 3 or 4 years. And I mean come on it's Jacob.

That says something.


DOWN WITH THE BIEBER XD

My brother did when he was like 12 or 13 too.
It's so freakin creepy!! XD


...ANYYYWWAAAAAYYYYYYSSSSSS.... xD

dreamer • 27 November 2011 at 1:21 AM

@Dawnfur Ikr xD

I mean, I'm a girl, and he's... WEll... A boy... xD

But still. It's a 7-year difference. Makes no sense. The poor kid. xD



......*awkward silence* ._.


NORMAL TALK PLEASE?! XD

Deleted • 27 November 2011 at 1:22 AM

YUMMY YUMMY MASHED POTATOES!!

Wait, AHHHH! DARN YOU PERVERTED MIND DX

I cannot talk normal xD

dreamer • 27 November 2011 at 1:25 AM

@Dawnfur EWWW XD Fail.


While I go pout in the corner... Don't get arrested. ;]

trish • 27 November 2011 at 1:25 AM

@dawnfur It did. XD BUT HAVE YOU HEARD MISTLETOE? 😱 IT'S SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH BETTER THAN LIKE....BABY. XD

@dreamer IT DOES WORK! I am imagining in JB mistletoe voice. ARE YOU?

Deleted • 27 November 2011 at 1:26 AM

@Dreamer LOL. I'll TRY.

@Trish Heard a little on a commercial. Just no.

crescentfeather • 27 November 2011 at 1:27 AM

@dreamer 8D

I HATE JB.

dreamer • 27 November 2011 at 1:27 AM

@Trish Baby is the #1 disliked video on all of youtube.

It has even more dislikes than Friday! (even after they deleted the vid and re-uploaded it.)

I just find that funny. xD

And no, not particularly... O_o

trish • 27 November 2011 at 1:39 AM

@dreamer You should sing it as a cover on Youtube. 😱 YOUR VERSION.

dreamer • 27 November 2011 at 11:33 AM

@Trish I would, but my dad'll kill me for even TRYING to go to Youtube. No joke. I just go on when he's not here. I might record a vid on my phone and post it to Tinypic...

cqpkytty • 27 November 2011 at 11:43 AM

@dreamer
I made the perfect tune for it.
But I don't have access to any video-making thing so I can't upload it to anything...
😋

hayz • 27 November 2011 at 11:44 AM

WHY ARE YOU PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT THAT BO- GIRL? HE- SHE IS HORRIBLE! *multiple head bangs*
@dawnfur Don't worry I bet I'm more perverted. In Anime terms. o-o

dreamer • 27 November 2011 at 12:27 PM

Rofl you guys xD

I might sing it to myself tomorrow, I get a few minutes alone before my sis comes back from school.

We'll see. ^^