Yes, another piece of writing to edit :P A book report this time. Help?

lizardfeather • 12 February 2012 at 6:55 PM

@ice Here's a couple suggestions 😸 It's mostly just re-arranging words (and by no means necessary)

In this book, Artemis [encounters] [advanced] fairy technology, solve[s] complex codes, and kidnap[s] a fairy officer [in order] to collect a ransom that will restore the family fortune.

Artemis attempts to [ransom a fairy officer, Holly Short] to fund expeditions to search for his missing father.

When [the fairies] discovered that Holly was gone, the rest of the Lower Elements police force laid siege to Fowl Manor in an attempt to force Artemis to return her.

They placed a time-stop ( an area in which the occupants of the area have become trapped in the past, unable to reach the outside world) around the manor.

[Since] an enchantment stops the police fairies from entering human dwellings, unless they want to forfeit their magic and experience nausea and sickness, they have to be invited in. [Because of this, they sent in several creatures, one of whom was] Mulch Diggums, a dwarf who had been arrested for theft[;] [as well as] a troll, a violent, carnivorous creature. The troll was sent in an attempt to get the people inside the manor to ask for help, which [would allow] the fairies to enter.

Deleted • 12 February 2012 at 6:56 PM

@ice Hmm i think it's good, i have never read the book but you kind of made me want to 😊 Well good luck!

ferrari25 • 12 February 2012 at 6:59 PM

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ice • 12 February 2012 at 7:09 PM

@lizardfeather Thanks! 😱

@ferrari25 Thank you!

Deleted • 12 February 2012 at 7:20 PM

@ice

This book report is really good looking. I never read these books but I might have to now.

ice • 12 February 2012 at 7:24 PM

@alleykat666 Thanks ^^

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dreamer • 12 February 2012 at 7:27 PM

@Ice Hmmm... I'd be thrilled to help you with your book report. Lemme go read it. 😊

As for your post, you said you're English honors in middle school? Sorry for being an idiot, but englishhonors; Is that like, you have over 90 in english? Because idk what it means. xD

ice • 12 February 2012 at 7:27 PM

@dreamer I guess so 😋

Thank you for helping! 😊

blissy • 12 February 2012 at 7:33 PM

@ice

That book. I've always seen people reading it in my classes when I was younger. It sounds awesome. O3O; You're paper sounds pretty nice, so far

"The fairies in Artemis Fowl are a dangerous, technologically advanced, and highly dangerous race of creatures."

You put 'dangerous' twice in the same sentence. I'd change one of them into some other word, perhaps a synonym if I were you, because it makes the sentence sound odd. [from your first post]

By the by, when pasting something onto Egg Cave from, say, Microsoft word, Egg cave will change any character it doesn't recognize into a question mark, so you may want to edit your posts to get rid of those.

ice • 12 February 2012 at 7:33 PM

@blissy Oops! 😱

I'll edit~

crescentfeather • 12 February 2012 at 8:08 PM

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snow_angel618 • 12 February 2012 at 8:57 PM

@ice srry i haven't read it all through yet XD but in the first post, you say fairies are dangerous twice in the third sentance. you've done a pretty good job with describing and vocab and stuff, but try to have more variety in sentance structure. avoid She... they... they.... Also avoid using slashes (like sci-fi/fantasy) it's kinda unproffesional 😋 and for a book report, try to replace the (...) with something else.

otherwise, great job!

ice • 12 February 2012 at 9:29 PM

@snow_angel618 Thanks 😊

Anyone else? ^^