So What?

dreamer • 9 March 2012 at 8:54 PM

I'm done caring about what other people think of me. I'm fed up with this Earth and I need to show you all how I feel.

So what if I'm obsessive compulsive?
So what if my face is covered in acne and blackheads?
So what if my teeth aren't pearly white, and so what if I have a gap between my front teeth?
So what if I need glasses?
So what if I'm ususally in a bad mood? Hey kids, you'll feel my pain at some point too.
So what if I'm 12 years old and weigh 150 pounds? I'm trying to change it, I'm not proud of any of it.
So what if I don't like people in general?
So what if everyone knows who I like? You can't hurt me in any other way.
Who cares if I overreact? It only makes me more conscious of the world around me.
So what if I'm 12 and people say I look older? What do you think would happen if you said that to me when I was in my freaking 50s?
So what if I cry a lot? At least I can get my feelings out.
So what if you think I'm stupid? I'm a lot more intellegent than you.

People think I'm an idiot. People think I'm hideous. People think I'm out of my mind for loving who I love. People think I'm too dirty. They say I'm too big.

But I don't care anymore. I'm walking in my own shoes, living my life. I just want to motivate others.

No hate, please. You can be honest about yourself on this topic. I won't judge you, and I hope no one judges me.

balletninja • 9 March 2012 at 9:00 PM

Do you really feel that way?
Do you really not care?

It is normal to care,
that is after all why we are humans.
We have evolved into creatures that are capable of emotions.
To not care is not possible at this point.
So it is normal to care,
if you don't then things can get even worse.
You have the gift of caring, embrace it 😊

celeste • 9 March 2012 at 9:00 PM

@dreamer

I have too many flaws, but I'll list the main ones:

-Yes, I am murderous
-Yes, I am yandere
-Yes, I have the sense of humour you don't get
-Yes, I am weird
-Yes, I am a sociopath
-Yes, I like to be alone
-Yes, I'd rather go on the computer than read
-Yes, I am ugly

But...

I don't give.

balletninja • 9 March 2012 at 9:03 PM

@celeste
I am sure none of those are true.
Except the computer one xD

celeste • 9 March 2012 at 9:05 PM

@balletninja

Actually, I've been told I'm weird at my new school... EVERY SINGLE DAY. I dunno. Maybe searching up 'How to stalk people on Facebook' has something to do with it? 😱 And... people tell me "It's funny.... Not..." Oh well. Maybe my old school corrupted me? 😱

dreamer • 9 March 2012 at 9:05 PM

@Balletninja
Of course I care. But I need to shrug it off. No matter how humans are, caring about this doesn't benefit me in any way.
It's only making my life harder. We need drama, but I don't want *this* much right now. I'm not perfect. The thing that bothers me most is that other people I know are so open and people just enjoy them. Whenever I'm honest I get scolded: Literally scolded.
what's so different about *me* that makes people so quick to judge? I like what others like, without forcing myself.
Honestly, I don't know if people are just shallow and only judge my personality by my looks.
Because I'm unique, we're all so unique, so different, but there's still something underneath it that draws us all together while ripping us apart at the same time.
I have friends who care. People care. I just want even more people to care. I'd rather make people feel good rather than feel depressed.
I'm done fighting back the tears, like I am as we speak, so I want to let it all out. I don't know if you understand what I'm trying to say? ☹️
I'm not being mean or rude to anyone, but I've made too many mistakes. I don't want to dwell on them. D':

whispers • 9 March 2012 at 9:09 PM

@dreamer
I don't judge you! You're...my role model on here 😊

Me:
I don't freaking CARE what you think of me! YOU HERE THAT BULLIES!? YOU HERE THAT!?
I don't care that I have acne, I don't freaking care about the scabs on my arms.
If you think I'm fat; well oh well. I'm perfectly fine. I'm 13, 5' 4" and 122 lbs. I'm fine.
I don't freaking care what you think of my diabetes. It doesn't make me any different than you. Not any different. So don't judge me by that.
So what if everybody knows my crush? He already knows.
So what if I'm not sporty, and "cool"?
I'm still perfect.
I'm talented; a really good artist, violist, and pianist.
And FYI, I am not a dork. I am cool, fun, and a good friend. And to all the haters, don't try to even mess with me. You'll wish you never did.

balletninja • 9 March 2012 at 9:12 PM

@dreamer You, chloe, and whoever else should go on tinychat soon and just let it all out.

But I have one hint of advice.
Whenever I have too much drama in my life I surround myself with friends.
It makes you forget.
Sitting there and dwelling on the problem won't make it better.
Friends are there for you, anyone will be there for you if you honestly ask them.
I am trying to tend to like 20 people right now, sorry that was so short I will explain more later.
It is hard to type a response to every point xD

@celeste I know I am odd.
People tell me I am too!
But people relate to that.
People need that so they feel more accepted.
Just be who you are and it will turn out well!

rawrcookies08 • 9 March 2012 at 9:13 PM

@balletninja I agree with your 1st post. I care about how I am, but I don't actually try to be what I'm not. I just try to make myself the best I can be, but still be ME. If that makes any sense. xD

dreamer • 9 March 2012 at 9:14 PM

@Whispers

It's hard. For everyone who's alive, I hope. I know everyone out there has a soft spot in their heart, and my goal is to reach out, to show people that the lonely ones are the best.

I'm pretty much a lot like you, except I'm younger, shorter, weigh more, and I'm not artisic with instruments.

I am artistic in *music*, though. I write songs and make them meaningful. If I get a singing career, I won't be a trashy pop star.
I'm sticking to my own music, my own ways. ❤️

I like being alone. I'm way too self-conscious of myself, and I want to hide it.
People tell me I'm fine. But I want someone to tell me I'm *beautiful* who ISN'T related to me. *cough cough*
I just want this all to get better, for the sake of mankind. I can't change anyone's overall opinions, but I an embrace my own, and that's what I'll do for forever and a day. 😊

balletninja • 9 March 2012 at 9:15 PM

@rawrcookies08 Yes!
I do the same.
I would be lying to everyone and myself if I said I don't care about my weight, my teeth, my clothes, ect.
I do.
It is just me.
But it also makes me grow to care because I learn.
If you just don't care then you won't be able to experience what life has to give you.

rawrcookies08 • 9 March 2012 at 9:16 PM

@balletninja Ditto! 😊

balletninja • 9 March 2012 at 9:18 PM

@dreamer People do think you are beautiful.
God, even a guy online did.
You know who I am talking about right?

Deleted • 9 March 2012 at 9:19 PM

@Dreamer dont care about what other people say about you! I KNOW you are a GREAT person and a WONDERFUL friend of mine ❤️

dreamer • 9 March 2012 at 9:21 PM

@Balletninja
I would so do that. xD I just wnat somehwere, anywhere, where I can get out my feelings quickly where people can't judge it.
Holding it in is worse. Stress makes people's lives harder, which is why I try to be straight-forward.
When I do get the chance, I like surrounding myself with friends.
My friends: We aren't popular at all, however people have heard our names. I'm fine to be that. We could be considered different, but that's fine with me. I'm the girl who cares about her looks, but I'm not vain and I get along with a lot of boys as friends as well as girls.
Over the weekends, I text friends a little, but when I don't have a caring person near me, in my presence, I still feel so alone. I'm not sure how to fix this: Anything that gives me a warm feeling.
Btw, I know the feeling of having tons of people too respond to. X'D
I'm sorry. For a lot. Kinda the past, but you know. I wasn't the kindest to a lot of people. Including you. And I'm genuinely sorry. V.V I don't want to stir up drama anywhere.
My main priority right now is apologizing to everyone I need to apologize too, and that will make me feel so much better, so much less alone. 😊
To seccond post: I remember that. xD He doesn't feel that way anymore though, I'm sure. 😋 I know a couple boys in my grade who like me, some a little, some a lot. But it's all "I don't judge people on looks."

metaphor • 9 March 2012 at 9:25 PM

"So what if I'm 12 years old and weigh 150 pounds? I'm trying to change it, I'm not proud of any of it."


You've mentioned before that you're tall I believe? And if that's the case, you may actually be at a healthy weight. Short me, that would be borderline, but if you're any taller than 5'3 you're probably good.

Still, it's good to want to be healthy. Just remember to make it more about that and feeling well instead of some silly number on the scale!


@dreamer

balletninja • 9 March 2012 at 9:26 PM

@dreamer I never remember you being bad to me.
Really.
I never talked to you much,
but I see that we would make good friends! 😊

Just find a way to be happy,
and surround yourself with that.
Try to find that warm place.

dreamer • 9 March 2012 at 9:30 PM

@Metaphor I think I'm barely 5'1". I was tall when I was younger, now I'm starting to stop getting taller, and other people are catching up to me. I've always been... I dunno, bigger, but I want to stop it before it gets too serious. O.O
That's probably my top priority, if I was thinner then I wouldn't be as self-conscious and it would help me control everything else.
I can't say I look 150 lbs though, because not all of it is in my stomach, or in my arms, or in my legs. You know.
I do want to be healthy more than anything. I try to take care of myself, but hey, it's easier said than done.
I'm always back-and-forth., but steadily gaining over the years. When I was in the third grade I had just reached the 100-pound mark, which isn't good. ._.
I'm trying though. 😉

celeste • 9 March 2012 at 9:30 PM

@balletninja

It's just that I am naturally unconventional; nobody seems to understand in a school where uniformity is promoted D8

rileytibbles_side • 9 March 2012 at 9:32 PM

@dreamer
I'm sorry, but just the irony that you spelled Intelligent wrong...
I'm not trying to be mean I'm just a nerd... and ugly... In fact here is me right now:
http://tinypic.com/view.php?pic=jqq52s&s=5

plushie • 9 March 2012 at 9:34 PM

@Celeste *Backs away* You want to murder?

dreamer • 9 March 2012 at 9:34 PM

@Balletninja Really? I've always looked at myself as an awful person: Especially months back, when I still acted... Pretty childish. I got angry and harsh with people pretty quickly.
I do want to make friends, though. 😊 Anything that could make lots of people better.
I have a warm place, it's hard to explain, but... I'm constantly imagining a world in my head that isn't perfect, but I have most of the things I want and it works out.
When I'm sad I think of that world, and maybe I can try making it a little bit real. 😊
Sometimes I'll look in the mirror and love me for who I am. Other times I just look at my own face with disappointment.
I don't know how to make myself happy, but I want to find the source. 😊

@Rileytibbles_side >.< Wow. Thanks.
I know how to spell, but my keyboard is small and my computer is ridiculously slow and laggy. :/
You know what? I think I'm crying a little now. Thanks.

taffy789 • 9 March 2012 at 9:35 PM

I have a lot of flaws. The ones I hate the most:
-I am hypersensitive. ( 99.9% percent sure. 😊 )
-I have a speech problem, and people comment about it. (Not really teasing, but they mention it.)

...
Not a good combination.

And to say I don't care would be lying. I know that much. 😋
But I don't let it get to me THAT much... 😋

metaphor • 9 March 2012 at 9:37 PM

@dreamer


I was always a heavier child myself. I'm not talking dangerously obese; just maybe a 5-10 lb difference between my peers and me. It might have something to do with my hypothyroidism, I don't know. Being short kind of sucks because it doesn't take much to be overweight. I will say, though, I used to weigh close to 200 lbs. There, I got it out, I said it. I've been pretty heavy. But ever since I gave up soda pop, started eating my mom's homecooked meals from the slow cooker and eating my favorite junk foods in moderation, I've dropped at least three pants sizes and plenty of weight. And with my crappy thyroid, I'm pretty proud of myself. Once I shed the first 5 lbs, I started to realize I'm not such a lost cause and it is possible. So I've kept going and I keep seeing results.

The thing is, though, I found that it never really stuck unless I did for myself. If I tried doing because it would please guys or whatever, I just got discouraged more easily. I've kept the focus on staying healthy and living a life where I can feel well and good about myself and it's helped me a lot in the long run.

celeste • 9 March 2012 at 9:39 PM

@plushie
Nah, I've just played the Grim Reaper in our childish fantasies 😸

plookle • 9 March 2012 at 9:41 PM

@dreamer I think everyone goes through what you're describing at some point in adolescence. I'm not saying not to worry about it, or that it will pass, or any of the cliched adult responses.
But personally, I went through a similar period, where I was unhappy with myself and my appearance, and for me at least, it passed relatively quickly after high school started.
What I felt was useful was to target little things first; I bit my nails, so I stared painting them weekly to prevent that, I whitened my teeth, I did short ab circuits once a day. Things like that will help you feel like you're taking steps towards looking better, and they really fantastic habits to get into if you can keep them up.
As far as the emotional things go, I don't want to say it's just hormones... but a lot of it is. Obviously, what you're feeling is genuine, but hormones and your school environment can exacerbate what really shouldn't be too traumatizing of an issue. Keep talking it out, sticking it out, and I promise it will get better. 😊

balletninja • 9 March 2012 at 9:41 PM

@rileytibbles_side You said you were a model. >->

dreamer • 9 March 2012 at 9:42 PM

@Metaphor
A few years back, I did Wiifit with my family, and it kept telling me I was obese. I hated that though, because it doesn't take everything else into consideration and it just made me more self-conscious.
One day I'll do something and say I hope I lost some weight. Then I'll have a snacking fest and gain more weight.
I don't know why I eat so much, I always have... Cravings. >.< I just need to find a good motivation. X'D

plushie • 9 March 2012 at 9:46 PM

@Celeste PHEW XDDDDDDDDD

rawrcookies08 • 9 March 2012 at 9:50 PM

@rileytibbles_side Riley, I swear I will smack you through my computer screen. You are really pretty and you know it. xD

@dreamer you don't have to get mad at Riley. She was just speaking her mind and she said sorry.. :/
I speak my mind a lot too.