Help? >.<

dreamer • 29 March 2012 at 9:26 PM

I'm having mixed emotions right now. Anger, sadness, and the part of me that cosntantly wants to rebel.

Lately my little sister has been more snappy and rude. Lately my mom's been yelling at her more. Instead of pestering me to play games with her, now my sister only annoys me about how much she gets yelled at more than me (which clearly isn't true).

They were just fighting, so I ran upstairs in my room. I guess the thing that annoys me most is how nasally and nasty my mom sounds when she yells. As a matter of fact, and I will say this with honesty, every single thing about my mother disgusts me. Just, utterly disgusts me.

Whenever she does something it makes me angry, and she'll yell at you when you tell her that. She's TOO open; My sister was scarred by her, one day she saw my mom and ran over to me crying.

If I could get out of this dump, I would. I don't know if it's my PMS or just the sudden anger that my sister is showing, but I'm starting to feel depressed again. :/

Anyone cheer me up?

trish • 29 March 2012 at 9:35 PM

@dreamer I learned I sound like crap when I sing. 😃 (Recorded myself on this system XD) /but I sound kinda good when I.WHISPER..

dreamer • 29 March 2012 at 9:41 PM

@Trish I sound awful when I sing too. xD

But I'm really irritable atm. Beside it being... My time... And my constant longing to get out of this place...

I've felt like this for a while. Felt like I just want to run away. Pack a backpack and start walking, all night long, on a trail in the woods that runs in my backyard. It stretches across several towns. I could be several miles away in half an hour.

I guess my runaway attempt will be coming soon... My dad just got home and now my mom is yelling at HIM.

Every day I go home and start walking and running on the trail before my mom gets home at 5. The woods call to me, and I try to walk farther and farther every day. I ran a whole half a mile on the trail one day. My throat was killing me and I could taste blood, I was gasping for breath and my legs were cramped, but I was still proud of myself as I staggered back into my house to get water.

So, we'll see. xD I'm not sure if I can handle this much longer. I've felt this way for years.

trish • 29 March 2012 at 9:47 PM

@dreamer Let me tell you a serious joke. MY MOM.

Her sayings to me:
"YOU NEVER MADE ME LAUGH."
"YOUR AN IDIOT."
"YOU NEED A HAIRCUT."
"WHY YOU BUY THIS STUFF."
"AIIYAH. YOUR STUPID."

Curretly this week, I decided to just.... get away from her. I'm at my aunt's house during this magnificent Spring Break. Until I had tea at this restaurant with MY MOM.

She googling and talking to my big sister who just came back from college, then she decides to look at me from across the table and say, "WHY DO YOU NEVER TALK TO ME. YOU CAN TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AT THIS TABLE."

Summary: She's NEVER nice to me, she just won't say she hates me, you know?

dreamer • 29 March 2012 at 9:53 PM

@Trish I know exactly what you mean.

I mean, I can talk personal with her, she really doesn't give me a choice. But my mom goes telling everyone at work and making jokes about it when I'm there.

She'll only talk somewhat nicely to me when she's scolding my little sister. But she really disgusts me; Her loud chewing, how she talks with her mouth full, her sniffing, hacking up her lungs in the shower, snoring loudly and keeping me awake all night, how she shifts from leg to leg when she leans against the back porch.

I can't find a single good thing. There are even more things that anger me than the simple pet peeves I listed above. I hate her short temper and how she always needs to be yelling at SOMEONE. It's just that feeling where I don't like being related to her. And every time she's angry she talks about how she pays for everything and acts like it's all hers. She's like "My couch", or "my oven", or "my HOUSE," "I paid for this, I have a right to look at it," and so on. I mean, the same old excuse only works so many times...

No matter how unreasonable I may sound, it's a lot worse than I can explain. My family is constantly making me feel like complete crap and I just wanna get out of here as soon as I can. :'/

amunoko • 29 March 2012 at 9:55 PM

@dreamer

My mom when she is angry loves to trash my room up and throw all my things in the floor then tells me I have a messy room and need to clean it up.
-----
I know it is hard, but try to stay. At least until you are 18 and can legally move out. When I'm really down I listen to music like Bad Day by Daniel Powers, Little Lion Man by Mumford and Sons, and any really depression song I can think of.

trish • 29 March 2012 at 9:59 PM

@dreamer Yeah. I guess our moms are similar, short-tempered. I soar with happiness when she's at work, overnight shift, and I can be peaceful and happy. Or Thursdays are good days for us, not happy, but content.

Our moms are just beyond words. I can't even ask her for things.

One day...

She looks at me.
"Hey Mom, Auntie's gonna pick me up and I'll come-"
Looks away and pretends I'm not there.
"..and come back Friday...."

dreamer • 29 March 2012 at 10:06 PM

@Amunoko ...Well that's just cruel. X'D I would hate if my mom did that.

I do try staying. But every day is a living hell for me. School is my only resort, no matter how hard it is, it's the only place I can see my *real* friends, and talk to people who *truly* appreciate my presence.

I love summer, but I spend more time outside to avoid my family. Vacations are usually relaxing for all of us, but we can never afford them. We're tying to save up for a big vaca this summer though, like Disneyworld or a cruise or a trip to Hawaii or something. I live in Massachusetts, and the farthest I've ever travelled is Maine. That's not far at all.

I know I need to stay. To finish my life so, when I CAN leave in the future, I have what I need to get a good life (I've already convinced myself to never get married and never have children unless they're adopted ;D).

I never feel safe anywhere. Maybe I could run away in the woods for a few hours, before anyone would miss me. Just to know what it's like to be alone; to be free.

The only song that can describe these feelings right now is Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson. ^^

But I'm going to bed now, I have MCAS again tomorrow (big state test) and I need to be well-rested. Bye!

amunoko • 29 March 2012 at 10:10 PM

@dreamer
I agree no kids for me until 28 and even then I'm going to adopt. Hopefully if you can go on a vaca it will make home life a little eaiser to live in. Singing to Bad Day really helps me b/c I sing really off key and make weird sounds if I'm crying so I end up laughing at myself good naturedly or my dogs give me really funny looks.

taffy789 • 29 March 2012 at 10:16 PM

I've been mad at my Mom lately... But it seems so stupid to me. Like, I KNOW it's for stupid reasons, but my head can't seem to get that through it. ><
IDK, I know she loves me, but she can be... Overbearing. 😋

People have it MUCH worse than me though. I don't want to complain. D:

Agh. //Feels outta place//


I'll just go back into my corner now...

Deleted • 29 March 2012 at 10:53 PM

My mom just got back from Spain, so I don't suppose I can say anything bad about her, not that I would. I'm not being much help here, but feel happier!😊

cynt5100 • 29 March 2012 at 11:24 PM

@dreamer if it makes you fell any better, your first post was my life wrapped up in a bow. 😋

soapeater2 • 30 March 2012 at 8:14 PM

Don't be sad! Eat pineapples!
@dreamer

univea • 30 March 2012 at 8:24 PM

*pushes big red button and deletes soapeater2's comment* 😈 EAT MANGOES!! *throws*

hayz • 30 March 2012 at 8:34 PM

@dreamer

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYnsH-FMHtE&feature=autoplay&list=PL56955552AA3753A8&lf=plpp_video&playnext=5

😃