10 days...

dreamer • 20 August 2012 at 8:53 PM

I posted a topic earlier about my anxiety, and about everything that was making me nervous; But right now I need to focus on one thing (my hands are trembling, so please bare with me).

My mom scheduled my sister and me for physicals in 10 days: On August 30th, I'm going for an appointment, shots, and having my blood drawn, which I fear the most.

Last year was the first time we needed our blood drawn, and I never got it done. I was screaming, and crying. I had 7 doctors trying to hold me down, but I was way too strong; I didn't want to have my blood drawn, so it clearly wasn't going to happen.

I don't know if I have another phobia, or if this is extremely obsessive compulsive; But I was downstairs a few minutes ago, and I kept thinking about it.

First, I need to have a physical in order to get into the 7th grade. I have HUGE tonsils, and I want them removed (which was another even harder decision to make), but I'm trying to be strong. The only problem? I won't be ALLOWED in a hospital unless I get my blood drawn.

My eyes started to swell, and I'm almost crying now (a few slaps across the face forbid me from doing so), I keep rubbing and pinching my right arm, and my hands are trembling, so I keep waving them in the air. My heart is beating really fast, and my stomach is churning.

II'm trying to be strong, but this is killing me... Can I get some reassurance or something?

awesomeness365 • 20 August 2012 at 8:58 PM

@dreamer: Aww, it's okay.😸 It's for the better, right? ^^ Think of the far future, won't you have something less to worry about then? 😃 You'll be a happier person in general. 😊 And when they do draw your blood, pinch yourself on your arm or something, it doesn't hurt as much. 😃

lexicon • 20 August 2012 at 9:02 PM

@dreamer Take some deep breaths hun, you're going to be okay. Try to remain calm & clear your mind. Then tell yourself it'll all be over as soon as you know it. It always helps me to think of something in the near future that I'm excited for and think of the bad things you have to do now as an obstacle to overcome in order to reward yourself. Trust me, time passes and it will be over soon. ~ hope it helps, so just relax your mind and think of your happy place 😊

dreamer • 20 August 2012 at 9:04 PM

@Awesomeness365 I keep trying to focus on this eqaution:

Having blood drawn= ability to enter hospital= having tonsils removed= not having to breathe so heavy= being healthier= being able to go longer without breaking a sweat= losing weight= not being so self-conscious= being happy

But I seem to be forgetting every part of that chain except for the first part... I'm actually having a bit of an anxiety attack right now... My legs won't stop moving, my hands won't stop trembling, my heart is pounding, I'm breathing really fast, I can't close my eyes, I can't stop typing...

7731826 • 20 August 2012 at 9:05 PM

@dreamer
I HATE shots too, but it really does hurt more if you THINK its going to hurt a lot. Just take a deep breath and close your eyes. It will be over before you know it😊

dreamer • 20 August 2012 at 9:06 PM

Okay. I can't do this. I can't... I'm freaking... I need a breather. I'm going to write a poem about my anxiety. That'll make me feel better.

pebblestar-nightclan • 20 August 2012 at 9:08 PM

@dreamer
I promise it doesn't hurt that badly. It'll last for like, three or four seconds, maybe a little more. And then you'll get it done and over with. 😸 Feel free to talk to me when you're done! You'll feel so proud once it's over.

dreamer • 20 August 2012 at 9:17 PM

@Pebblestar-nightclan I know... I'm trying to remember that if I don't do this, my dad will be nagging me all year. He'll say I have no friends, I don't get out much, I'm afraid of the world, that I can't control myself, that I'm just "messed up", that I cn't let my fears ruin me... I don't want to listen to this crap, but I'm so scared... This is going to happen in 10 days, but I'm already so scared... I want to have my blood drawn, but I'm terrified... I feel like I'm being chained to a wall... I just don't know...

pebblestar-nightclan • 20 August 2012 at 9:22 PM

@dreamer
I know what you mean, it's happened to me many times before. You and I are alike, and I had to get shots when this one time was the worst. I was in the office in tears. I got it over with and was embarrassed for crying in front of everybody. xD
I promise you, you'll do absolutely fine. ^^

dreamer • 20 August 2012 at 11:14 PM

*deep breath* Okay. Okay. I can do this. I just walked a mile and a half on the track near my school with my little sister. I always feel more relaxed when I do that.

*sigh* I am going to do this. Yup. I'll be fine. *fingers crossed*

10 days...

newlife • 20 August 2012 at 11:22 PM

@dreamer

Just think about something else

I hate getting my blood drawn/shots, but you'll be fine. Just think about something funny that still makes you laugh, and focus on it while it's happening.
It works most of the time, otherwise, just hold on someone's hand and try to hold yourself down.

zafeyry • 20 August 2012 at 11:28 PM

@dreamer
Well, what certain part of getting your blood drawn scares you the most? I got mine drawn and it was super easy 😊 I also don't mind shots either...

dreamer • 20 August 2012 at 11:36 PM

@Zafeyry I don't know... The needle. Going into the vein in my arm. Sucking up blood like a vampire. And the doctors need to check my blood to look for possible illnesses.

The good thing about having my blood drawn, though, is that I'd be able to have my tonsils removed. Since I was 5 years old, that's been a huge obstacle in my life. It makes my voice sound deeper (and my voice still continues to get lower, which scares me, considering I'm pretty sure that I'm female X'D), it makes my breath smell worse, it makes it harder for me to breathe. Having all of that out of my life would be... Well, a miracle.

solaris • 21 August 2012 at 4:00 PM

@dreamer

Oh man. I hate getting blood tests too. I have to get it done at least once a year to check my thyroid levels. ☹️

And when I went to Russia, I had to get two blood tests. One in Canada and one in Russia so that my visa could be approved.

This may sound like a strange question, but when you straighten out your arms, do you have any obvious/pronounced veins in the crease of your elbow?

dreamer • 21 August 2012 at 4:06 PM

@Solaris I'm required to have a physical, with the blood test, to enter 7th grade. I've never travelled, though. Rules suck. :/

When I straighten my right arm, on the crease of my elbow, if I look close enough, I can see a big blue vein to the left side. I HATE veins, I always picture the veins in my wrists popping open and bleeding everywhere... Could that be why I'm so horrified?

solaris • 21 August 2012 at 4:12 PM

@dreamer

That's a strange rule to have to go into 7th grade. I only ever had to have vaccinations.

Okay, so the vein information is good to know. Often, nurses will ask for your non-dominant arm to take the blood from. For example, I'm right handed, so I would have to give them my left arm. However, I have a prominent vein on my right arm, so I always tell them to do it there anyway. It hurts less because the needle doesn't have to go as far to get to the vein. They also don't have to search around for it since it's quite obvious. So, I suggest that you get it done in your right arm. 😊

Also, your 'vein phobia' could definitely be why you're so nervous about this. I know it's hard, but you could try to rationalise with yourself.

dreamer • 21 August 2012 at 5:02 PM

@Solaris

I need vaccinations too. D8 Just now, I need a physical as well, and I'm horrified. I feel like my privacy is invaded when I'm getting a physical done... It's just... Awkward right now. I don't know.

When I (almost) had it done last year, the nurse wanted my right arm; which, obviously, is my dominant arm. I have a vein on my left arm too, but it's not as dark, and it looks like it's going ACROSS my arm.

Are you sure having it done on my right arm would hurt less? I'm always afraid to touch or stretch the skin near my veins...

daffyduck3500 • 21 August 2012 at 5:58 PM

@dreamer, I'm the same way. But it'll be okay, and it goes really fast, so just bear it for a couple of seconds and it will all be over with in a matter of 10 seconds.

solaris • 21 August 2012 at 6:55 PM

@dreamer

I can't tell you for sure that it will hurt less. It's different for everyone. But I can tell you that, for me, it did hurt less. Way less. The most uncomfortable part for me is when it's over. The nurse always jams the cotton ball on my arm so hard!

I probably don't have to tell you this, but don't watch! I made that mistake one year, and it was very unpleasant. I usually look away and ask the nurse not to tell me when she's going to put the needle in. Usually I can never tell that it's actually happened! XD

One good way that I distract myself with is reciting numbers. I double each number, and as you get farther along you have to think about it more. Like: 2, 4, 8, 16, 32, 64, 128, 256...

dreamer • 31 August 2012 at 3:23 PM

Welp, I had my physical yesterday...

I needed two shots, and I was scared to death. The doctors had to corner me and grab my arm. I was tense and I as sturggling, and the first one had to go into my muscle, so it REALLY hurt. And it still does. I screamed my head off, again.

When we got there, the doctors took my height and my weight (I've BARELY grown an inch over the year), and then they gave me a paper with an "adolescent questionaire", which I refused to answer. >.>

I didn't need my blood drawn. The doctor wouldn't let me, because she knew I wasn't ready. So, I can't have my tonsils removed unless I can tolerate having a needle in my arm.

I got put on an antidepressant to possibly control my anxiety... The pills are TINY though, I took one this morning. I need to take one every day and I'm going back to the doctor next month to see if it helped. Let's just hope it works.

The problem is that I haven't told my dad about this medication, and I don't plan too. I'm good at keeping other people's secrets, but I can't keep MY OWN personal secrets... I'm doomed. D:

solaris • 31 August 2012 at 3:28 PM

@dreamer

You did it! I'm so proud of you! 😃 I know it was hard, but it's over now.

Is it hard for you to take pills? It used to be really hard for me. I had to mix them into pudding. XP

But why wouldn't you fill out the "questionnaire"?

dreamer • 31 August 2012 at 3:34 PM

@Solaris

There are these long, low bumps on my arms from where the needles went... I can't see the place that they put the needles, I can just feel it, and it's sore, especially on my right arm. That's where I was struggling more.

I can swallow pills easily. I used to have a lot of trouble with pills, but this year I started taking lots of pills. (Pills for allergies, pills for colds, pills for cramps, and now antidepressants). But for the antidepressant I'm on now, the pill is TINY! Usually I need a glass of milk to swallow pills with, and I usually need to cut them in half, but with this one, I didn't have to do anything except swallow it.

And I was just uncomfortable with the questionaire... It was asking me emotional questions, like how I felt about myself, and my life, and my actions, and emotions. That's why it was called an adolescent questionaire. My sister is 14 months younger than me, but I'm 3 years more mature than her, so she didn't need any questionaires. My sister was laughing during her physical, but I was in tears. I get EXTREMELY anxious about things like that, because I get so afraid. And I don't like telling people in real life about my emotions because I can't trust people with my truth.

solaris • 31 August 2012 at 3:44 PM

@dreamer

Wow. You sound a lot like me when I was younger. I swallow at least a handful of meds on a daily basis! So I'm used to it now too.

I recently went off one of my medications that I've been taking for almost three years. I'm a little scared of what it's going to do to me! 😋

I totally get why you didn't fill out that questionnaire now. Why do they have to ask such personal questions?

Your arm will probably be sore for the next couple of days. ☹️ I had my blood drawn a few months ago, but it went wrong, so I doubt I'll be having another one anytime soon!!!

dreamer • 31 August 2012 at 3:55 PM

@Solaris

I've still never had my blood drawn (I didn't need it), but getting the shots was so hard for me... I don't think I'm ready for anything more. O.o

They let my sister choose between blood from her arm or her finger... If they gave me that choice last year, maybe things would have worked out. :/

I looked down at the questionaire, and I just looked at it, and I didn't want to fill it out, and my dad started getting angry at me. :/ I didn't want to cry or chicken out, because I knew he'd hold it against me. I'm not telling him about my medication, either, because that'll just be another thing for him to yell at me for. He won't look at the possible side, he doesn't understand that I'm TRYING to make myself better. He doesn't understand that I don't like myself in the first place, and he doesn't know when I'm being strong; Because the things I'm strong about are so small, and often go unnoticed.

I think the only problem with my right arm is that the first shot needed to go in my muscle, AND my right arm is my dominant arm, so it hurt four times at munch. If I press down on the bump it feels really sore. ☹️