Could you read my story? :)

whispers • 6 November 2012 at 9:00 AM

It's a somewhat sad story, it has a few touchy subjects (death and grief).

http://fav.me/d5k9eue


Could you give me some feedback? Please?

Edit: Well, I went to school today, and my best friend told me that this story was boring. SHE DIDN'T EVEN READ PAST THE THIRD PARAGRAPH. So now, she's makin' me rewrite the whole thing. And she sent be a bajilllion writing tutorials via e-mail. So eh, I'll post a new topic with the edited version. And before I post it, it'll go through beta testing with my bud to make sure it is more suitable. I appreciate all your nice comments and feedback, but she's trying to help me become a better writer, so I'm going to listen to her. 😊

cinnamon_cider • 6 November 2012 at 9:06 AM

@whispers , wow...That was amazing... i don't even know what else to say...

whispers • 6 November 2012 at 9:12 AM

@cinnamon_cider
Wow, thanks ^^;

viola • 6 November 2012 at 10:08 AM

Some livepulse pings o3o

@cqpkytty
@seaangel
@iceyfira
@stellie
@aizel

whispers • 6 November 2012 at 2:46 PM

Anybody? ;A;

Deleted • 6 November 2012 at 3:22 PM

that's sad. I'm only ten...
I don't think about stuff like this XD

whispers • 6 November 2012 at 3:29 PM

@moon_thief
You're ten? o.o I thought you were older >.<
Sorry to put this through your head. My 13 year old brain is just...weird and thinks of this stuff at 5: 30 am XD

liza200aa • 6 November 2012 at 3:44 PM

@whispers
;_; <--That's all I have to say.

whispers • 6 November 2012 at 3:49 PM

@liza200aa
As is beautiful or OMGI'MSOSADI'MGONNACRAY

(lol, I'm a bit hyper, I ate a tub o' froyo)

liza200aa • 6 November 2012 at 3:53 PM

@whispers
As in both.

chunky • 6 November 2012 at 3:56 PM

@whispers OMG ... ☹️ sad story.. Btw I'm only 10 as well! >u<

puppymaks • 6 November 2012 at 3:58 PM

like it, but sad ☹️

awesomeness365 • 6 November 2012 at 4:03 PM

@whispers ;-;. Beautiful. Touching. Compassionate. Heart warming. ;-;

~waits for the next story by you~

whispers • 6 November 2012 at 4:04 PM

@awesomeness365
That will be a bit. School's start up again tomorrow, I'll make one this week though.

awesomeness365 • 6 November 2012 at 4:05 PM

@whispers Alright. C: You're such a good, understanding writer. o-o Your stories are so... so... I don't know a word for them. ;-;

whispers • 6 November 2012 at 4:07 PM

@awesomeness365
But isn't this the only one you've read? XD
And this story... I was inspired by a DD yesterday. It might seem obvious with it's title, after reading the second part of my story (below the "~")

awesomeness365 • 6 November 2012 at 4:10 PM

@whispers I've seen you roleplay before, when I got bored and I decided to read random roleplays. xD
Ah, yes. C: I love inspirational stuff. 8D

whispers • 6 November 2012 at 4:12 PM

@awesomeness365
Oh, I like to role play intensely xD
Wait? I want to know, which ones you've read o.o

rileytibbles_side • 6 November 2012 at 4:12 PM

@whispers
Hehe you wrote a story about meeeeeee lol 😸

whispers • 6 November 2012 at 4:15 PM

@rileytibbles_side
LOL, it was kind the only girl name I haven't used in a story (trust me, I write plentiful) in a looooooong time 😋

awesomeness365 • 6 November 2012 at 4:18 PM

@whispers Which roleplays? Hm, I can't remember exactly, but I think there was a Warriors roleplay, I think? o.< Other things I can't remember. xD Darn my horrid memory. o-o

rileytibbles_side • 6 November 2012 at 4:18 PM

@whispers
I have trouble coming up with names for my stories as well

whispers • 6 November 2012 at 4:23 PM

@awesomeness365
Oh. I'm not the best RPer with Warriors, I'm best with humans. But, eh, anything will as long as I can use my imagination

pebblestar-nightclan • 6 November 2012 at 4:26 PM

@whispers
Oh, wow, I saw that before I even came here. xD (I watch you on dA.)

Aw, Gavin and Riley. 😸 Poor Tyler. :c

awesomeness365 • 6 November 2012 at 4:29 PM

@whispers Imagination is more important than knowledge, after all. Or at least according to Albert Einstein. :]

whispers • 6 November 2012 at 4:30 PM

@pebblestar-nightclan
I know, I watch you too ;D
I'm probably gonna write about these charries again *takes away the oneshot factor* A few stories taking place before this one, then several after.

spirithawk • 6 November 2012 at 4:47 PM

@whispers I have a feeling this is going to be amazing. 😃
*hurries off to tead your story*

zero_chaos • 6 November 2012 at 4:52 PM

@whispers

You're only 13, and you can write this well? o.o After the first paragraph, I figured that you had to be at least 18. Your writing skills are excellent 😊 So sad, it reminds me of some of the deaths that I've witnessed, but not necessarily in a bad way.

Life does get better, but only if you want it to. Riley needs that motivation to make herself feel better in order to actually do so. Death is hard, but there comes a time in which we have to let go. Aside from the minor spelling mistakes here and there, it was beautiful ❤️ Please do ping me when you have the next part out, I would love to take a look at it 😊

whispers • 6 November 2012 at 6:05 PM

@spirithawk
Hold on. I just got an e-mail from my BFF who's a better writer than I am. She sent me writing tutorials XD She says I better have read one or two tonight o.o

@zero_chaos
Thank you! My friend (who is a lot better than I am) has taught me much, and so that allows me to write that well. The minor spelling mistakes are me typing too fast and not proof-reading (yeah...I got to do that >.>). When I have the next part posted, I wont' forget to ping ya' 😉

fuzzykins412 • 6 November 2012 at 6:20 PM

@whispers
Wow, I love it! It's just... amazing. It reminds me of a book I've been reading.