Flawed Perfection

bunnyshadow • 20 April 2013 at 1:47 AM

HOORAY! Today, I finally published the first chapter in my book on Miss Literati! It's my first story, so I would love any constructive criticism and support 😊 Here's a link to my story, Flawed Perfection. Please take the time and at least read a tiny bit of the first chapter. I worked super hard on it! 😃

http://www.missliterati.com/stories/flawed-perfection-517226bf7b0d813094036fff#.UXIr9bU3uUI

@jupiter_hollow
@asi
@dada_dragon
@leafpelt
@hedwig68

Thank you for taking your time to read this ❤️

jupiter_hollow • 20 April 2013 at 5:20 AM

@bunnyshadow CAMMILA! CAMMIE!

Awh, I love the first chapter! I hate you for the cliffhanger though. I guess that's a good thing, since it leaves the reader wanting more but I JUST CAN'T STAND TENSION! ;A;

asi • 20 April 2013 at 7:24 AM

@bunnyshadow

Coool o-o Where's the rest? XD

bunnyshadow • 20 April 2013 at 12:21 PM

@jupiter_hollow Hehe really? You like it? C: I'll upload a new chapter every week or two. XD I'll start writing chapter 2 later on today though c:

@asi There'll be more soon 😃

@rojoqueen
@pirateseaz
@whispers

hedwig68 • 20 April 2013 at 12:27 PM

@bunnyshadow

Wow, that's really good. 😱 ^^ I really like all the detail you use, really makes the story come alive.

bunnyshadow • 20 April 2013 at 12:39 PM

@hedwig68 Do you think there's anything I need to fix? Do the chapters need to be longer? :0

hedwig68 • 20 April 2013 at 12:48 PM

@bunnyshadow

Yeah, maybe. 😋 They're a little short just to be a single chapter/

bunnyshadow • 20 April 2013 at 12:51 PM

@hedwig68 Yeah, I suppose so. ThT was technically just a prolouge though. How much longer do you think I need them to be ? XD

@GLaDOS

dv55555 • 20 April 2013 at 12:52 PM

@bunnyshadow
I think this should be a prologue, not long enough to be chapter, and introduction should be more dramatic.
Otherwise, awesome plot, would love to see how this goes..
Could I be editor? O.O

hedwig68 • 20 April 2013 at 12:53 PM

@bunnyshadow

Well if its just the prologue then its suppose to be shorter, so maybe another paragraph or two?

bunnyshadow • 20 April 2013 at 12:57 PM

@dv55555 Sure! 😃 I've been looking for one because it's not easy to see your own mistakes x.x When do you want to start? XD

@hedwig68 c:

Deleted • 20 April 2013 at 12:57 PM

@bunnyshadow I think your descriptions should flow together more smoothly and less choppily. It's also a bit short. Otherwise, I think it's pretty good.

bunnyshadow • 20 April 2013 at 12:58 PM

@colette I'll see what I can do 😊

rojoqueen • 20 April 2013 at 1:57 PM

@bunnyshadow
*is stalking this* XD love this allot!

glados • 20 April 2013 at 1:59 PM

@bunnyshadow
This is good! (: Although very short. D<

dv55555 • 20 April 2013 at 2:19 PM

@bunnyshadow
When you release the next post, on this topic.

bunnyshadow • 20 April 2013 at 2:39 PM

@rojoqueen yay! 😃

@glados Haha, I know. The next chapter I promise will be longer 😋

@dv55555 I'll write the second chapter, then Pm it to you for you to fix up, then when it's done, I'll post it. How does that sound ? c:

dv55555 • 20 April 2013 at 6:27 PM

KK
@bunnyshadow
Will do
First PM the basic plots, no spoliers

bunnyshadow • 20 April 2013 at 7:14 PM

@dv55555 Alright 😊

leafpelt • 20 April 2013 at 10:41 PM

@bunnyshadow

Evil phone....skipping notices..........

I'm currently plotting out a dystopian novel myself. Or rather, trying too....XP


I would have to say you need sentence variety. You're longer consistently in some places, but then you suddenly chop everything up. And it's too short, even for a prologue.

bunnyshadow • 24 April 2013 at 11:50 PM

@jupiter_hollow @leafpelt @dv55555 @glados @colette

Who's excited for Ch 2? It'll be up soon once I make some changes and reread it a couple of times. I've decided to post a chapter every thursday! 😃