Is this just all in my head?

metaphor • 8 November 2013 at 5:13 PM

I'm sorry, I know I talk about stuff like this a lot, but this time I really have convinced myself of some upsetting things and I really think they're true. I just can't tell myself otherwise.

I am convinced that my professor/advisor:

1. Doesn't think I actually write my own work.
2. Hates me.
3. Just wants me out of her sight forever.
4. Doesn't like listening to me.

I also think I did my last essay exam all wrong, even though I did the required prompt and used the minimum sources. I had to use my extended time for reasons I've probably mentioned before but do not wish to mention again. So if I did it wrong and wrote a crappy essay even after she was nice and accommodated me, I'm an awful person and I guess I do deserve her to hate me.

Evidence of such:

On Monday, it seemed she did everything in her power not to call on me, even when my hand was up. I swear, she looked my way a few times. And it wasn't a matter of her just wanting to call on people who don't talk that often; she was calling on other people who contribute a lot.

Today, we had mandatory conferences for my poetry class. I was early, and she looked at me funny. I stupidly said--even though I knew--"We have conferences today, right?"

She said, "Yes, but yours isn't til later, right?"

I said yeah, but I was just going to wait there since I had nowhere else to be. She said I could just go in then, and the way she said it made it sound as though she just wanted to get me over with.

In the conference, she read my poem. The reason I'm beginning to think she doesn't believe my work is mine is because after she read it she asked me to tell her about it. I asked her what exactly she wanted to know; she asked who the "she" was.

Oh crap, I thought. I just knew she was going to ask that. And truth me told, I didn't know. I still don't know. That poem came from seemingly nowhere. As I told her, it was "fragments of reality."

She seemed to understand, but idk, if I wrote a crappy IN CLASS essay but write things that she likes, I suppose she has every right to be suspicious.


I just don't know how to feel right now.

mastergemma • 8 November 2013 at 6:35 PM

@metaphor
There are always those teachers so try not to worry too much. My yr8 art teacher kept on giving me low scores even though what I did should have gotten higher ((mutters something about a motorbike))

squijum01 • 9 November 2013 at 12:33 AM

@metaphor

From what you've typed about arriving early, I don't think your teacher was annoyed or upset. I'm willing to bet her thought process was "Well since you're here and we have time why don't we get yours taken care of."

In regards to tone of voice or how something was said I can tell from personal experience (I've been teaching for 3 years) that it may have nothing to do with you. We have a lot on our plate that has to be taken care of besides teaching a class: grades, lesson plans, parent/teacher conferences, professional development, before/after school duties, faculty meetings, etc. As a side note that list doesn't even include personal responsibilities outside of the classroom. She may have had a long day or something else on her mind.

If you really want to know what she's thinking ask her. I encourage my students to come talk with me if there's an issue in class or out. We can't help if our students don't talk with us. Communication is key!

You know what I mean? 😊