Help me continue my story...PLEASE?

appleblizzard • 3 March 2015 at 4:16 PM

So here it is:


Annelyia:

"Come ON!" I yelled. Even though I was being controlled by Kurai, part of me was wondering why Yoake was holding back. Kurai had given me immense power, more than I had already learnt to control and my body was fighting for real. I realised that even part of my soul wanted to fight Yoake, to hurt his for what he did.

"Why are you holding back!" I yelled frustrated. "Fight me, fight me like a demon! Hurt me, break me, I don't care!"

Tears were spilling down my cheeks though I didn't remember starting to cry. "Why do you pity me? Show me what you have! Fight, half-demon! Fight me or die!"

I summoned up more of my telekinesis skills, not bothering to fight the control that Kurai had over my body. It became part of me, my eyes darkened and I took aim at Yoake who was still on the ground from my last attack. Anger pulsed through me as he avoided yet another of my attacks but this one was closer. I smiled in delight as the feeling of pleasure spread over me.

"FIGHT!" I shouted. "Use your claws, cut me, wound me! You feel hatred towards me, show it! I know you do! Cut through my flesh, feel that pleasure just as I do!"

"Aaw, look she wants to die." mocked Kurai. "Come on, fill out her wish half-demon. You know you hate her, despise this human. After all she is Winter."

I narrowed my eyes but still smiled. Yoake stood up from the kneeling position he had during this whole time. His eyes were foreshadowed but his posture was tense.

"You're wrong." came his voice. Startled, I watched him raise his head to reveal a calm and concentrated, unreadable face. His violet eyes quivered as he spoke, his body shook but not with fear. "You're wrong."

I raised an eyebrow and used some of my magic energy to bring myself onto the ground a few meters away from him. "Is that so? What makes you say that?"

"Why do you think I hate you?!" he shouted.

"Don't you remember half-demon?" asked Kurai. She floated and landed beside me. "Tell him, Annelyia."

I closed my eyes and took a breath. "You're vile. Remember? It was yesterday. Winter was there, beside the tree. You walked off with her, and I let you go. While you were off with her, Teki joined us and took care of the injuries of the previous hunt. When you returned, he was with me."

"You're one to talk!" he raised his voice. "You were on to that lion demon like no one was watching! Hugging him just 'cause he placed a bandage on you!"

I smiled. "You're just jealous."

"I am not!" he shouted back.

"Anyway, once you two had a rant, he left." I carried on. I was enjoying this malicious revenge on him. I wasn't blocking out Kurai's spell anymore. I narrowed my eyes at him now my smile not there. "After that, you took everything out on me. Remember?"

-Flashback-

As Teki ran away, Yoake turned on me. "Why do you always warm up to that lion cub?!"

"Huh?" I asked confused. "What's wrong with being friendly? That's all you ever do with Winter!"

"It ain't nothing like that!" shouted Yoake sitting in front of me. "I know her well enough, you have no excuse! Do you really love that lion demon after all?!"

"You...how dare you...you of all people..." I stammered. "I don't love him, okay!"

"Yeah yeah, you always end up thanking him and hugging or holding his dirty hands like two lovers, I can't watch! Don't you ever consider my feelings?!" I yelled.

"What about mine?!" he yelled back. He leaned closer and shouted louder, "You never do anything like that to me, do you?"

"Why you jealous?!"

"As if! Me?! Be jealous of you and that jerk?! Next time, just stay with him, you always make a habit of telling me how much he shows you more respect!" he replied. "I've had enough of this. Get away from me!"

"You sat next to me, remember, JERK?!"

"I don't care! I HATE YOU!" He yelled. My eyes widened and I sat back. Yoake turned away and growled.

"Fine..."

"Remember that?" I asked him. "At that moment, I realized you never needed me for more than the Amouretta. I ran away and stayed in the woods."

Kurai smiled and continued for me. "I found her, upset and lonely. She was crying her eyes out, the poor thing. She accepted my help for one tiny fragment of her soul."

Yoake stared at me but my knew form and heart wasn't understanding the look he gave me. I summoned up more of my magic and hurled it at him. He didn't dodge my attack this time. When the smoke cleared he was lying on the ground, his body beaten, his eyes closed. He shakily got up and looked at me.

"Fight me, I deserve it. You remember what happened, you accused me accurately of being involved with the lion. So why not take out yesterday's anger on me again? I'd love to feel the pain only to give you some of mine." I jeered.

"No. I won't." He said weekly. "I never meant...all of this...it's a mistake..."

"Huh? Oh, don't be silly Yoake. Your last statement made it clear how much you value me. Do me in wolf, I can take it." I said.

"No! I won't fight you! Not me, not ever!" he shouted. "I didn't mean any of that!"

He stumbled forward before throwing himself onto me. Pinning me to the ground, a tear dropped from his eye onto my skin. I stared at him and the spell I knew was on me was fading. Kurai grasped on, wouldn't let go.

"I could never hate you, Annelyia." he whispered running a hand through my white curls and staring intently into my eyes. "I won't ever hate someone...someone that I loved as much as I love you...your actions hurt me, they pained my heart, I did it out of spite."

"Stop it!" screamed Kurai. "I'm losing her! Let her go!"

"I love you, Annelyia. I value you more than anyone else." whispered Yoake.

"You're wrong! Liar!" I cried. All this talk had my heart pounding yet Kurai wasn't giving up on me. "You love someone more, I know."

"No." said Yoake. "It's not true. Winter doesn't mean more to me."

"I am her reincarnation brought to this world! You never think of me as part of this trip, you need me to find the stone! Winter is your love, she always has been!" I shouted as tears spilled down my pink cheeks.

"It was like that at the beginning." said Yoake. "But it's not like that at all now. Winter was my childhood friend but you...I love you...can't you see that? I love YOU, Annelyia. Your hair, your eyes, the way you cry, your voice and your personality. I can't loose you. Please, come back to me..."

He put a hand on my face, his eyes yearning. My heart pounded and I felt knew tears on my face. Something shattered inside me taking most of my energy with it. Yoake leaned closer still, closing his eyes. I closed mine and raised my head slightly. Then he kissed me, a long, sad and pained kiss. It was full of emotion, sadness, regret and love. I knew it, I believed it. He wasn't lying.

We came apart and my head lay back down on the hard ground. Yoake was crying too, tears of joy that glistened in the darkness. I gave one last look at him before a tug of pain grabbed my heart and I was forced back into the daze of the spell. Yoake was forced off of me and I floated in the air again above him.

"You fool!" said Kurai laughing. "Love made her heart weaker, her confusion thrives with my power. I take full control of her now!"

//What?\\ I thought. My arms were lifted and I was unable to speak. The spell in my hand required all of my strength and I felt the slight panic that rose in Kurai when she noticed. As she took aim at Yoake, I forced myself to aim towards the mirror that was dropped earlier. Firing the spell, it hit the mirror reflecting towards him. I slowed the spell using my magic and own will.

I flitted across and blocked the spell using myself as a shield to protect Yoake.

"A-Annelyia!" he shouted his eyes wide. "What-?!"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you." I whispered looking back at him. "It's the least I can do after everything-"

I didn't get enough time. The spell sent me high, ripped and tore at me. I screamed as the pain flooded and the world became a black mass of nothing...



************************************************************************************


So that's a part of the story, what I need is help continuing from there.



Rules:

*Don't copy please. You may magpie some parts but not everything.
*NO RUDE STUFF, K?!
*Invent something cool and creative, let your author's true colors show!
*This is based on a cross over of InuYasha and Fairy Tail aka wizards powers and demons/half-demons.
*If you have questions, ASK FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! Email me, I'll explain!


KK, now that's over, please give me ideas!


@vzumi
@ashlinnhi
@audrei9
@heather519

maiden • 3 March 2015 at 4:35 PM

I like it so far I just don't have ideas

fakeworld • 3 March 2015 at 4:38 PM

@appleblizzard
You posted in the wrong forum. I'm going to read it in a few though 😊 I want to help.

appleblizzard • 3 March 2015 at 4:50 PM

@maiden thanx

@fakeworld oops. kk im waiting!

vzumi • 3 March 2015 at 9:12 PM

@appleblizzard

Girllll you're good at writing but I'm not really sure where the story can go from here. Okay I'm actually kinda mad that I can't format these replies.

~*Some Ideas*~
1. The lover's path
-I honestly hate these kinds of stories over how cliche it is but there have been some amazing fanfics where what was depicted in your original post happened and they did amazeball things with it. First of all, I know they're gonna end up together. Everyone's who's ever read fanfiction is gonna read a piece knowing that they're gonna be like ayeee bae we meet again and now we're in love and even stronger now because of all we've been through. BUT - you're probably writing for yourself, doing it because you enjoy it so it doesn't matter what people like me think. People who criticize the ideas of fanfiction shouldn't exist. Writing is a different matter (grammar and structure) entirely. Okay but I digress. There are *general* ways you can take it from here. The usual is a story where the guy tries to find the girl again (because girls are always weaker and need saving obviouslyyy *rolls eyes*) and then they have to go through some challenge and then after they overcome it they fall even more in love with each other and like yay they're happy ❤️
-Add some new characters into the mix! What's even more cliche than a love adventure is a love triangle. Don't do it unless you really wanna and it's like omg fluff 😱 lol this is totally cool if you wanna do it though, I'm just a loser who eats others ideas.
-But since they're totally in love - what if they weren't? He tries to help save her again and repair her body and they connect even more and they're totally "in love" but then they both realize that love isn't all they need in life and they both of dreams and go on to realize them later. So I guess that's not really the lover's path then?
-The antagonist feels bad about everything that's happened and wants to make amends after seeing how in love they are. -- Again, one of the ideas that I hate because I truly wicked/cruel person ain't gonna feel so much remorse that this is gonna happen. Ahhh - unless it's done right of course 😉
-Crumbly pastries - oh man ❤️ Love these. So this is one of my favorite analogies and idk if anyone else uses it but this is what I was taught from someone. This pretty much involves a restructuring of your entire story. The small parts are gonna slowly flake off and give you just a little sweet taste of what the inside is gonna be. Reader speculation is a big part of this as well (there's usually holes in fluffy bread) so you basically assume your reader knows your characters well - this sometimes occurs in like fanfiction fluff where they do cutesy things and then WHAM like one thing leads to another and you're just like AWWWWW babies I love and ship you both because you're so adorable and interact perfectly. The reader pretty much already assumes their personality based on what's given in the show. |||||| This might not work too well for you because I've never heard of those characters (then again I don't watch Inuyasha). Idea - you could include a bunch more flashbacks before Annelyia finally regains consciousness - this makes it much more lengthy but also gives a chance for you to develop both your characters and provide more backgrounds. This depends on how long you wanna make your piece. TBH though you could probably just end it there and be done with it.
2. Theme not based on romance
-Where your story just takes a turn --> Meaning IT'S NOT ABOUT ROMANCE (which is what I assumed you set yours up to be) So they're looking for something right? As her body's ripped to shreds, she's dead. Like she's actually dead. Your main character becomes Yoake and life goes on. He might not know that she's actually dead though or she might not even be dead. It could be a trap Kurai's plotting while trying to take advantage of Yuoke's curiosity to know what happened to Annelyia. Of course you'd have to add in grief when he finds out she died, or didn't die, or he never found out?
-Random? She exists as atoms in the universe after the magic ripped her body apart and becomes like Madoka Magica (ahhh my LOVE ❤️). Maybe she guides him to what he's looking for, maybe she doesn't but *okay maybe un poco romantic* when the wind blows or Yoake's staring at nature he thinks of her but it like actually is her omg I can feel the feels already.
3. Umm - completely different character set?
-You mentioned something about reincarnation. There's this TV show that has different seasons with different generations of characters. This could be like that. Maybe some grandchildren or some completely unrelated to them children/teenagers find out what happened and want to find whatever Yuoke + Annelyia were looking for and they slowly learn about their history. Great time for continued character development!!
-WINTER becomes the protagonist. Oh man I can see this already. Yoake leaves from his search for the Amouretta (please explain what this is - kinda curious) because he's still madly in love with Annelyia and decides that finding her is more important - or finding a way to make sure she lives. Winter takes over the search, knowing how important it is for Yuoke. So I guess it could become like a split story between Yuoke trying to restore Annelyia because of his love for her parallel to Winter trying to find the Amouretta because of her strong sense of loyalty and friendship to Yoake.
-It's told in Kurai's perspective. Maybe she doesn't change her feelings after she realizes that she wants what Yuoke and Annelyia have. She finds that Lion Demon and they fall in love. Or plot twist she's actually in love with Winter and turns her evil and they share the Amouretta together and destroy the world leaving Annelyia and Yoake helpless.

-- Just some suggestions.
After all, I don't know really why you're writing this so I don't know if any of my ideas will help you. This post actually took so long to write. I haven't given advice in so long - I'm glad you ask me 😸 That's so nice haha xD
And once again, I'm not trying to criticize your writing because it's fantastic I just get mad when the same old ideas are rehashed without even a new spin or twist to make it unique.

BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT -- lemme say that I am not the judge of what is cool and what makes a writer satisfied/happy with their work. This is just a *personal* opinion. PLEASE write what makes you happy and what you think YOUR characters would do. In the end, it's the writer that has the ultimate decision NOT the critic/adviser/editor.

I just kinda wanted to push that point through because it also peeves me when people think that just because someone else has an idea they have to follow it. NO, that's why the Chinese education teacher-student system is messed but, because there's no creativity. That's another topic though. I'm actually just a loser 😋

So after this entire long thing - sorry bae I always send you long things. (Apologies if it's too soon to call you bae) I hope you got some ideas, and weren't offended by my elaborate denouncing of cliches.

Okay that's all for today 😋 I needa study for that sick math test.

And girl if you wanna keep me updated with how you're writing this I would love to know! Ooh and mail me about with the Amouretta is, that might help me understand a bit better.

*un poco - a little

Happy writing!

audrei9 • 3 March 2015 at 9:40 PM

What is the plot?

appleblizzard • 4 March 2015 at 2:24 AM

@audrei9 Plot explained below. 😊


@vzumi OMG bae that was awesome! Seriously, like you are the only person through my whole existence that actually gave me that much HELPFUL information on something I actually NEEDED to know!


Wow, many of those ideas are great and I'd love to develop them. I'll have a think to see what I'll do and when I write what happens next, I'll defo mail you parts to it. I'll try to get my head around the few and see what I can do with it. Who knows, maybe I'll make a series of these! Yeah that sounds fun.


Any way, the Amouretta. So basically in InuYasha, the Sacred Jewel is this gemstone that has special protection abilities and can turn half-demons into a human or a full demon. Most demons seek this to increase their power and grow stronger. In my story, the Amouretta is the rare gemstone that stored all of the world's magic and chaos. In the very end, one may ask the final and right wish from the gemstone.


Basically the story is that Yoake is a wolf half-demon and he seeks it (in the beginning) to turn into a full demon. He just hated being half - really annoys him. Anyway a little later on the gemstone was cracked by an arrow (a little accident from Annelyia when she was retrieving it from a demon who stole it) and so now Yoake and Annelyia have to work together to return the gemstone. As they do, demons from all over the world possess the shards, they grow stronger and attack the two.

Kurai is my full villain in this story and she seeks the gemstone because she believes that only demons should be allowed in this world (crazy eh, bae?) and so as the story unravels we meet her minions and the lion demon with his tribbe who happens to be "in lurve" with Annelyia.

Also, additions to the team come. There's Kohi who is a skilled ninja, Mei and Mai the trickster twins, Safaia who controls healing magic and Fox who is a little fox-demon and has abilities in Snow magic. All of this team go together and they all have their own purposes for destroying Kurai.

So yeh hope that clarifies a few things for you. 😊

vzumi • 5 March 2015 at 12:06 PM

@appleblizzard - YAS bb okay that's really cool.

I'm pretty much all out of ideas but I hope I can read it when you're done ❤️

appleblizzard • 5 March 2015 at 12:10 PM

@vzumi thanks!

@Jupiter_hollow
@dramatic

ashlinnhi • 11 March 2015 at 6:45 AM

@appleblizzard Sorry, didn't have time to read the whole story so just read the overall plot x3 Hey, it's really cool! What can I say... well I agree with @vzumi, I think my favourite idea is a love triangle; just make it super difficult for Annelyia xP Sorry, I'm not much help!

appleblizzard • 11 March 2015 at 7:09 AM

@ashlinnhi you are very helpful! Ash thanks a lot, I will use this and thanks a lot again

ashlinnhi • 11 March 2015 at 7:56 AM

@appleblizzard No problem ❤️
PINGS (sorry if you don't like to be pinged!):
@barbyka
@mastergemma
@hay7199
@cougar