Something That You Might Be Interested In...

jasmyne • 4 November 2015 at 9:01 AM

Hey, I think I write pretty well, so I decided to post a story about a snail and me. It isn't exactly pretty, but read on...

I grabbed my bags and jumped down my dad's new Vios. I opened the rusty white gates for my mom later and ended with red-brown marks on my palms. 'Drat,' I muttered while walking to the door.
'Hurry up dad,' I called.
'Alright, alright. Hey, my bags are heavy, kid,' he replied.
I rolled my eyes and tapped my foot. It was drizzling, like it did when we were at the park just now.
After dad unlocked the door, I ran in and flung my bags to the floor. Then I lit the incense and fed my tortoise. When these were done, I went into the downstairs toilet and slammed the switch on.
When I was done and was pulling up my pants, I spotted a small snail hiding beside a pail in a corner. I kinda bullied it by aiming the pipe at it. It fascinated me to see it curl up.
Then I yelled, 'Dad, there's a baby snail in the toilet!'
'Just throw it out the back door lah! And remember, don't torture it!', came the reply.
It would be convenient for you to have a bit of information. I used to torture the unlucky snails and slugs who would crawl into our house through the back door by putting a whole spoonful of salt on it and let it die just like that. Cruel, right? That's how I was back then.
Ok, back to the present. I lifted the baby snail gently by holding its shell and put it on my palm. I let it slither around on my palm for a while. By this time the marks from the rust were gone already lah. It actually felt nice! The only thing I didn't like was that the snail left a trail of light yellow slime in its wake. When it tried to venture into the cracks between my fingers, I pulled it out and put it on my palm again.
After a while, I plucked the baby snail off my hand and tossed it into the weeds of our backyard, if it's worthy to be called that. There are more snails in the weeds, and after I heard the baby snail land with a small 'pap', I turned back to the sink and used my mom's homemade mutant soap. She mixed Dettol and sweet-smelling hand soap to create this concoction.
After my little adventure, I walked out of the kitchen with a pair of clean and sweet-smelling hands like nothing had happened.

What do you think of my work? Please leave a comment about it and share with others! Sarcasm and cricticism are welcome too! ;D

@stagfire
@ugena
@possiegal
@blazer
@cinnamon_cider

❤️, Jasmyne

madscienced • 4 November 2015 at 3:04 PM

@jasmyne Let me know if you ever need a beta reader. 😊 I beta read on a couple sites, but not under the same username.

possiegal • 6 November 2015 at 7:15 AM

@jasmyne very good 😃
im glad your not killing the poor things anymore;)
i like your writing, and how a lot happens in just a little amount of space (it keeps the reader on the edge of his/her chair)
ive read some books that went on and on and on about one single thing for like 4 whole paragraphs i just about fell a sleep!
dont get me wrong i do like details just not that much!

so yes you were great, are you gonna do another one soon?

jasmyne • 7 November 2015 at 6:35 PM

@possiegal
Thank you. Yes, of course! 😊 ❤️
@madscienced
Thanks, but um... may I know what's a beta reader? @.@ *blur*

madscienced • 8 November 2015 at 3:11 PM

@jasmyne Someone who reads a story before you post it somewhere to catch any errors, wither in spelling and grammar or continuity in the story.

jasmyne • 10 November 2015 at 12:28 AM

@madscienced
Wow sure that sounds interesting. Can you be my beta reader? 😸 So what do you think of this work, dear beta reader? 😊
@miss-princess
Do you like this? ❤️

miss-princess • 10 November 2015 at 4:15 AM

Actually I like it a lot 😊 Its a great little story and not boring at all 😊

madscienced • 10 November 2015 at 12:56 PM

@jasmyne it's good. you have a few errors, but they probably won't be noticed unless someones looking for them. 😊