Deleted • 3 February 2020 at 2:48 PM
If you were me, would you hang from a tree,Watching, hiding, waiting to seeAll the good girls and boys in a familyAll gather round the old oak tree?If you were me, would you look up at the skyWishin you could fly, but never even try?If you were me, would you sail upon the seaOr would you just be content with who you are, not who you want to be?If you were me, would you seek out helpCall out for an answerPray to your FatherOr would you just struggle it out?If you were me...This is a poem written by me. I’m a user on here already, but I’m too nervous to post my work to where you would know who it was. I hope you enjoy it. Any feedback is welcome.
beta • 3 February 2020 at 2:51 PM
@funaround I quite like the rhymes in this! However, the line with “ Or would you just be content with who you are, not who you want to be?” seems a bit longer than all the other lines... if you could fix that, I think it’d much better
Deleted • 3 February 2020 at 2:53 PM
@stevepat2002 I would but it seems I can’t think of anything else to write there.
beta • 3 February 2020 at 2:53 PM
@funaround ok good luck
Deleted • 4 February 2020 at 11:22 AM
jlya • 4 February 2020 at 12:34 PM
@funaroundI like it! For the line @stevepat2002 suggested, you could write:"Or be content with who you are, not who you want to be?" and cut out the "would you just". It keeps the point across but cuts out the strange rhythm.