If you were me... A Poem by me

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Deleted • 3 February 2020 at 2:48 PM

If you were me, would you hang from a tree,
Watching, hiding, waiting to see
All the good girls and boys in a family
All gather round the old oak tree?

If you were me, would you look up at the sky
Wishin you could fly, but never even try?
If you were me, would you sail upon the sea
Or would you just be content with who you are, not who you want to be?

If you were me, would you seek out help
Call out for an answer
Pray to your Father
Or would you just struggle it out?

If you were me...

This is a poem written by me. I’m a user on here already, but I’m too nervous to post my work to where you would know who it was. I hope you enjoy it. Any feedback is welcome.

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beta • 3 February 2020 at 2:51 PM

@funaround I quite like the rhymes in this! However, the line with “ Or would you just be content with who you are, not who you want to be?” seems a bit longer than all the other lines... if you could fix that, I think it’d much better

Deleted • 3 February 2020 at 2:53 PM

@stevepat2002 I would but it seems I can’t think of anything else to write there.

2,205 posts

     

beta • 3 February 2020 at 2:53 PM

@funaround
ok good luck

Deleted • 4 February 2020 at 11:22 AM

Anyone?

Female
817 posts

     

jlya • 4 February 2020 at 12:34 PM

@funaround
I like it!
For the line @stevepat2002 suggested, you could write:
"Or be content with who you are, not who you want to be?" and cut out the "would you just". It keeps the point across but cuts out the strange rhythm.

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