My first poem.

Deleted • 26 October 2012 at 5:34 PM

This is my first poem. I would appreciate tips. It's about my dog being diagnosed with hip displaysia today.

As I go through my woe
I almost can't stand
As the tears flow
I can't wait for the end.

As my dog lays there on there on the floor,
Whining I know I can't take any more.

Not cure, but care can take her there.

To the place where life never ends.
To the place where there are no unexpected bends.

But until then
we can only wait
and face what we have to face.

Comments?

@whispers I need advice from a good poem writer.
@himaja
@blueclaw
@ashfire

himaja • 26 October 2012 at 5:36 PM

@izzfred Who knew a 9-year old could make a poem better than Shel Silverstein? I'm not much of a poem writer although I love writing stories. @iceyfira might give you some good advice.

Deleted • 26 October 2012 at 5:38 PM

@iceyfira

@himaja you really think i'm that good? My dog got diagnosed with hip displasia and it's really hard on her. She's whining because she's still uncomfortable from being put to sleep for X-Rays. I'm trying to reasearch ways to make ehr life more comfortable. Do you have any ideas?

himaja • 26 October 2012 at 5:41 PM

@izzfred Sorry, I don't know any ideas...Maybe like make her bed more comfy with pillows and extra blankets, make sure she doesn't jump to much........just keep her happy.

Deleted • 26 October 2012 at 5:44 PM

@himaja

She doesn't have a bed but she does have favorite spots which I can make more comfortable/ She is the happiest dog on earth except when she's in pain.

My dog is a lab poodle mix and it's kidn of an instinct for her to jump after things.

Thanks for the tips I will try to keep the jumping to a low level.

blueclaw • 26 October 2012 at 5:49 PM

@izzfred

I heard you're 9? Nice poem, I'm 10.

Cats are awesome,
Cats are cool!
I like cats,
And they rule!

^
^
^
Best I can do for a poem.

ninjagirl • 26 October 2012 at 5:53 PM

@izzfred nice poem. Just be happy that she's alive and love her and don't give out to her even if she does something wrong because you'll regret it so so much if you get angry at her.
Pet her a lot and talk to her and just make her life happy. Don't ignore her and always put her first.

himaja • 26 October 2012 at 6:40 PM

@izzfred Hope she feels better...

Deleted • 26 October 2012 at 7:39 PM

@himaja there is no cure. She can get many surgeries and treatments ti help with her life though.

@ninjagirl thanks. Yeah.

@blueclaw yeah i'm nine. xD

tikimaki • 26 October 2012 at 7:42 PM

@izzfred

The best poem writer I know is @byfelisa. ^^

Deleted • 26 October 2012 at 7:43 PM

@tikimaki thanks.

@byfelisa sorry to disturb you. Could you take a look at this?

blueclaw • 26 October 2012 at 8:02 PM

@izzfred

Cats are awesome,
Cats are cool!
I like cats,
And they rule!

They are cute!
And fluffy too!
You love them,
And they love you!

Find them at a shelter,
They'll make you smile!
Everybody loves cats,
so get one for awhile!

^
That's my best poem I could do.

Deleted • 26 October 2012 at 8:04 PM

@blueclaw LOL not in a bad way though.

ems • 26 October 2012 at 9:12 PM

@izzfred Sorry 'bout your dog. :/ But, that's an amazing poem! 😃

whispers • 26 October 2012 at 9:41 PM

@izzfred
Sorry 'bout your doggie ☹️

But, wow! Your 9 right? This is an AMAZING poem 😉

fuzzykins412 • 26 October 2012 at 9:43 PM

@izzfred
Impressive! I couldn't write a poem better than that. xDD
@colette is pretty good at writing poems too. Maybe she'll give you some advice.

iceyfira • 26 October 2012 at 10:27 PM

@himaja Thanks for the ping
@izzfred

Beautiful. But try and go a bit more in-depth with how either your feeling, or how you see your dog. Try talking about the things you did with you dog. Happy things.

Deleted • 27 October 2012 at 12:49 PM

@ems she's doing really well. Thanks

@whispers she's doing really well and her food and medication is really helping. Turns out she has it in both back legs but it's worse in her left. Thanks for the comment.

@fuzzykins412 does it surprise you that i'm only nine and I wrote this on my own?

@iceyfira thanks for the tips.

@colette

iceyfira • 27 October 2012 at 12:51 PM

@izzfred
Your very welcome. o3o

@aizel Come help Izzy with her writing bro.
@keenfoot Same as I said with Jupe.

Deleted • 27 October 2012 at 12:54 PM

@iceyfira I was jus gonna ping aizel. She's online. I think

iceyfira • 27 October 2012 at 12:55 PM

@izzfred

Jupes a she. o3o

Deleted • 27 October 2012 at 12:58 PM

@iceyfira ok editing that. Whoops xD

Deleted • 27 October 2012 at 12:59 PM

@izzfred
It's hard to understand the emotions and hard to understand how close the dog is to you and why you love your dog so much. "I can't wait for the end" almost sounds happy/excited, not anxious. It's a little difficult to understand what's going on, I guess it should be more clear.

Deleted • 27 October 2012 at 1:00 PM

@colette I don't know hwo to make it any more clear than that. I'm only 9 too.

aizel • 27 October 2012 at 1:05 PM

@izzfred XD I'm a she. @iceyfira

I love the entire messiness of the poem. The structure makes it seems like a whirl of words, like it is a whirl of emotions you express through the poem.

I like the feelings, the stages of crying, sadness and finally, the mentioning of the place where life never ends - heaven. I adore how you express everything and even if it's vague, it fits perfectly with the lenght and structure.

And for a first poem of a nine year old all I can say is... wow.

Deleted • 27 October 2012 at 1:08 PM

@aizel thanks. Yeah I realy couldn't describe my emotions. I was feeling sad, anxious,worried and happy all at the same time. Happy because there are so many thigns we can do to help her. Yeah Heaven is gonna absolute bliss for her. Sydney my dog is going through a really tough time right now.

aizel • 27 October 2012 at 1:13 PM

@izzfred You expressed that through the poem, the vague description makes the emotions vivid.

I really hope Sidney makes it. There really are a lot of things that you can do to help, operations and therapies, a lot of people have been sucessfully treated from hip dysplasia and have survived, so there is definitelly hope. Sydney has a wonderful owner, so I'm sure she'll make it. ❤️

Deleted • 27 October 2012 at 1:16 PM

@aizel Yeah she is going to get surgery in the future. She's on special food that she LOVES and emdication right now. She's as happy as can be.

aizel • 27 October 2012 at 1:18 PM

@izzfred Then everything's going to be alright! ^^

Deleted • 27 October 2012 at 1:20 PM

@aizel yeah ^^ thanks for the support. We're very attached to and protective of each other. She would die to save me and I would do the same for her. I don't know what i'm gonna do when she's gone but she still has many years to go my 1 and half year old Sydney.