Got jokes?

possiegal • 29 June 2015 at 2:54 PM

Any of your favorite jokes or riddles can go here

*-----*-----*-----*Rules*-----*-----*-----*-----*

#1 no inapropriate jokes
#2 no advertising
#3 have fun 😋



the reason i made this is to hopefully brighten someone's day

(sorry if you dont like pings)
@cloud-n-bolts
@fred
@windchill
@icedragon3000
@blub

p.s. laugh!

ajinkura • 1 July 2015 at 8:10 AM

German jokes allowed?

Well, there are some...in german called "Flachwitze", I know.


#1: Was ist braun und schwimmt unter Wasser? - ein U-Brot
#2: Was ist bunt und läuft über den Tisch? - ein Fluchtsalat
#3: Was ist gelb und steht am Straßenrand? - ein ausgesetzter Briefkasten
#4: Morgen ist Weihnachten, aber ich geh' eh nicht hin.
#4 (english): Tomorrow is christmas, but I'm not going there.

I hope the translation is correct...if not: nevermind 😃

possiegal • 3 July 2015 at 7:00 PM

@ajinkura

cool! 😃
ive always wanted to learn german but ive been learning spanish for 3 years and have barely gotten anywhere (meaning i cant even say a whole sentence in spanish in less i have a piece of paper telling me what to say😋)

P.S. sorry for the late reply


not really a joke just something funny

If olive oil is made from olives, what is baby oil made of?
😃

shadow_peaches_lizards • 8 July 2015 at 2:15 PM

@possiegal

O_O 😃

What's the best time to go to the dentist?

possiegal • 8 July 2015 at 4:58 PM

@shadow_peaches_lizards
i dont know when your teeth need cleaning?
(sorry im bad at jokes)

shadow_peaches_lizards • 8 July 2015 at 5:05 PM

@possiegal
Nope! 😃 tooth-hurty *bud-um-tiss*

possiegal • 8 July 2015 at 5:10 PM

@shadow_peaches_lizards

LOL 😋😸

ok here is a corny joke (might be easy depending on how good you are with jokes)
Q: What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

shadow_peaches_lizards • 8 July 2015 at 5:14 PM

@possiegal
A barking clock? 😋 I am also horrible at jokes

possiegal • 8 July 2015 at 6:24 PM

@shadow_peaches_lizards
VERY close
A: A watch dog.

😋

mastergemma • 10 July 2015 at 10:20 AM

@possiegal
I do prefer puns rather than the typical joke with a punch line. I normally have to read the joke twice before it hits me, let's see what I can remember.

A thief stole every light in a persons house. The person was delighted.

A chemist went to a bar and ordered H2O. A second person said that they will have H2O too. ((H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide which can be a dangerous compound in many conditions))

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink

My friend's bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast.

possiegal • 10 July 2015 at 5:42 PM

@mastergemma
omg! i love the light one and the bakery one. i have heard the one about the soft drink before.
hmm lets see what i got


Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

I used to be a banker but I lost interest

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

sry 4 za pings

@gymnastics001
@original
@kieraap

khalidaseiko • 13 July 2015 at 10:53 AM

Why can you never tell a joke to a kleptomaniac?
They take things literally <.<


Ha, sorry had to share that...

jasmyne • 16 July 2015 at 2:59 PM

@possiegal

What does a witch use for her hair every day?

possiegal • 16 July 2015 at 3:02 PM

@khalidaseiko *Busts out laughing* sorry i laugh EASILY i mean seriously EASILY
@jasmyne
dont know, WHAT??
your going to kill me with the suspense!!

jasmyne • 16 July 2015 at 3:03 PM

@possiegal
Scare Spray! Bwahhahah! I laugh easily too! (tears of happiness)

possiegal • 16 July 2015 at 3:08 PM

@jasmyne
😊 good one!!
hahahaha
heres one

what do you call a bear with no teeth??

jasmyne • 16 July 2015 at 3:09 PM

@possiegal
Um... A barebear? Heh.

possiegal • 16 July 2015 at 3:11 PM

@jasmyne
no a gummy bear!!😊😊

jasmyne • 16 July 2015 at 3:16 PM

@possiegal
Hahahha! My turn:
What did the firemen say when the church caught on fire?

Hint: this ones easy! XD

possiegal • 16 July 2015 at 3:20 PM

@jasmyne

i have no idea ive been thinking for awhile
tell me

PS im really bad at guessing at the jokes

jasmyne • 16 July 2015 at 3:21 PM

@possiegal
'Holy smokes!' haha! Gotcha!! 😃

possiegal • 16 July 2015 at 3:25 PM

@jasmyne
why did tigger stick his head in a toilet??

jasmyne • 16 July 2015 at 3:28 PM

@possiegal
Hmm... I dunno, maybe he jumped around too much? Heh

possiegal • 16 July 2015 at 3:31 PM

@jasmyne

no he was looking for Pooh!!

dont know why but couldnt stop laughing at this

Guy in a library walks up to the librarian and says, “I’ll have a cheeseburger and fries, please.”
Librarian responds, “Sir, you know you’re in a library, right?”
Guy says, “Oh, sorry. [in a whisper] I’ll have a cheeseburger and fries, please.”

jasmyne • 16 July 2015 at 3:41 PM

@possiegal
OMG! Hahaha! That guy is either blind or REALLY stupid!

Mr. Tomato, Mrs. Tomato and Tiny Tomato were on a morning walk. Tiny Tomato tripped and fell. Said Mr. Tomato angrily, 'Ketchup, son!'

Three men are in the hospitals waiting room. All three of their wives are in labour.
A nurse walks into the room and presents two twins to man no.1. Man no.1 says 'What a coincidence! I work in the Terrific Twins Trains and Co.!' He roars with laughter.
Another nurse comes in with three babies and carries them to man no.2. Man no.2 exclaims 'OMG! Im the manager of The Three Stooges Cafe!' He cries tears of joy.
Suddenly, man no.3 looks very worried. The other two men console him.
Man no.3 whispers 'I am the boss of Seven Seas Trading...'

iceiceice • 16 July 2015 at 3:54 PM

An engineer who was unemployed for a long time decided to open his own medical clinic. "A cure for your ailment guaranteed at $500; we'll pay you $1,000 if we fail."
A doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn a $1,000, and goes to the clinic.
Doctor: "I have lost my sense of taste."
Engineer: "Nurse, please bring the medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."
Doctor: "This is gasoline!"
Engineer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500."
The doctor gets annoyed and goes back a couple of days later to recover his money.
Doctor: "I have lost my memory, I can't remember anything!"
Engineer: "Nurse please bring the medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."
Doctor: "But that's gasoline!"
Engineer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."
The doctor leaves angrily, but returns several days later more determined than ever this time to make his money back.
Doctor: "I've lost my eyesight."
Engineer: "Well I don't have any medicine for this. Take this $1,000," passing the doctor $500.
Doctor: "But this is only $500!"
Engineer: "Congratulations! You've got your eyesight back. That will be $500."


Found this one recently. I actually liked it,

jasmyne • 16 July 2015 at 4:05 PM

@iceiceice

Wow. That was a greedy doctor. Got what he deserved n the end, though. *chuckles*

iceiceice • 16 July 2015 at 4:18 PM

@jasmyne
I don't know, I would be pretty darn annoyed like the doctor 😋 but yeah, this joke is probably one of the few that made me laugh.

llamalou2 • 29 August 2015 at 5:33 PM

Q: Someone said you look like a owl

A: Who?