MY HEART HURTS.

lillia • 5 September 2011 at 3:53 AM

@fate
@feathershaft
@dawnfur
@mangyrawr
@dawnfur
@evilyowling
@sotheavey
@everyone
@girlsandboys

randomly pinged everyone online

*tears dropping*
okay, firstly im not young, im old.
i know what love is, but when it comes to this stuff, i am really immature at it.
i know im not suppose to talk here, but ..sigh.. i have no where else to talk.
i have a hubby who ive been with, for 8years.
but he NEVER giv what i want.
you might not understand.its long relationship, im too attached to him.but hes irresponsible. too irresponsible..he did so many things that make me hurt, broked my most sensitive part in my soul, everytime. when ever he says il change, he wont.alot of stuff.
many guys has tried to approaced me, but i cant let my self free from him, because i love him too much. but if i loved once, i remembers for ever. and im scared . i know im speaking gibblish right now, im too confused and tired. im REALLY TIRED

celeste • 5 September 2011 at 3:55 AM

@lillia
So you have a husband? How old are you anyway?

mangyrawr • 5 September 2011 at 3:58 AM

@lillia how sad just have a rest and think your way through

lillia • 5 September 2011 at 3:59 AM

@celeste
I have a guy who I don't even know weather he's a husband.
I went to his country, signed a contract with my mom,
Word unknown, it was in Arabic.
Didn't even do wedding ceremony.
He said he's a lawyer.my mom checked with her friend in that country, but her friends says I'm not married, but he and his father says I am. I really don't know.

I'm around 20.

cafe • 5 September 2011 at 4:01 AM

How many times has he broken your heart?

If he has many times, he may not change; I'm sad to say.
I don't know the full situation, but if it's as bad as it looks from my point of view I'd give him an ultimatum. Grow up and act his age, or lose you. Because he's obviously hurting you, emotionally. And you deserve happiness, not tears.

lillia • 5 September 2011 at 4:02 AM

@mangyraw
I have rested a lot. This guy don't even allow me to go out, or to work, my studies in college is poo because I can't concentrate.he never even send me properly.he smoke weed whole day, I hate it.

cafe • 5 September 2011 at 4:06 AM

He sounds possessive. Which is bad.

And the weed just makes it worse.




Again, I say, you should give him an ultimatum.
Because the possessive traits and illegal substances are a bad, bad mix; he could one day physically hurt you.

lillia • 5 September 2011 at 4:07 AM

@cafe
He cheated on me 8time. He raise his hand on me at least twice a month. He never work, sometime I can't eat for 3days. He owe my mom 25thousand $ total.
But despite the situation, in one way, I have to be with him aswell.
My mom is terrible too. Even though she may love me, love can kill me sometime. I can't stand my mom. She too, raise her hand on me, even I'm old enough. She broke my dream, make me shy in front of the people. Now everyone in my area knows my situation, since I'm small, because of her.

cafe • 5 September 2011 at 4:09 AM

@lillia

You need to drop him.
Forget ultimatum; he put his hands on you. That idea is now thrown out the window. You do NOT deserve to be hit.


You do not have to be with him; you may love him but it looks like he doesn't love you

smilies • 5 September 2011 at 4:09 AM

@lillia I can't talk, cause I'm uh, young (as in, very X)) but it doesn't sound like a healthy relationship and I'd leave him. This contract sounds bad, shouldn't you not sign anything without reading it? I'd definitely check it out for sure 😱

lillia • 5 September 2011 at 4:09 AM

@cafe
I'm staying with him in the same house, I thought that could solve me problem. Before.
My mom was the problem, I feel like if I have to go back, everything I have worked hard for my dream will be gone. I really can't stay with my mother..

fate • 5 September 2011 at 4:10 AM

@Lillia

First off...I'm typing in the dark so I keep on hitting the 'Sleep' button.

Second of all,
I've been through relationships. Many in fact (long story).
It is heart breaking, but you see, I've seen many of my friends go through this around your age.
If he's not allowing you to do these things, what kind of husband is he? I know that you're attached to him, but sometimes you have to think about yourself as well, are you happy with him?
It's good to thing to care about others but you also need to think about yourself and your happiness.

"If you love something, let it go, if it comes back, its yours, if it doesn't, it never was"

I don't like seeing people heartbroken or sad, I know I'm not the best to talk to in these kind of situations, but you're around the age 20, you're still young.

"Being young means that you're still naive.
That's why it feels like you're soaring in the sky or sinking beneath the ocean...when someone you admire betrays you. Those emotions control your entire life, and can make you lose sight of who you are. By growing older, your heart grows more experienced.
You grow one step farther away from being controlled by your feelings and are able to keep from soaring through the sky or sinking to the depths of the ocean."

...I watch too much of Bleach.

I hope everything works out for you.
-Hugs-

cafe • 5 September 2011 at 4:11 AM

@lillia

Is there no one else you can stay with? A friend? A family member other than your mother?

sotheavey • 5 September 2011 at 4:12 AM

@lillia
I don't know much about your realtionship because I am only 13 D: but it does not seems like a healthy one. Perhaps counseling? Honestly, he should group up and take care of you like a real man. He does not deserves you...

lillia • 5 September 2011 at 4:13 AM

@smilies
It was my MOM idea to get me married, it was stupid. She's a stereotypical person who don't allow relationship. Shes a thinker who think terrorists are right thing to do, because they sacrifices to god.
She forced me to married, hurried me, and this what happened. I was 17.

mangyrawr • 5 September 2011 at 4:15 AM

@lillia ohhh well thats tough what do you think you should do like be free or stay with him. I would say leave him I don't think he would be your type (no offence) well that is just my opinion okay.

smilies • 5 September 2011 at 4:15 AM

@lillia Oh my gosh. You need to get out of there ☹️ That's awful.

Deleted • 5 September 2011 at 4:16 AM

If you are not happy, I'd leave him. seriously not eat for three days? that's cruel..

love can blind someone , if he hits you, it isn't worth it..


Really, Drop Him. You will be happier.
If he is like that, he isn't the right guy...

sotheavey • 5 September 2011 at 4:17 AM

@lillia
Sigh, force marriages are terrible ): Tell your Mom a woman needs to get married when she is ready. Not when another person tells her too. Arranged marriages are not true love, and if she doesn't wants what is best for her daughter then... ;n; I can't get in to much more detail because I will be aggravated by the time I go to sleep.

cafe • 5 September 2011 at 4:19 AM

@lillia


Ack. I'm so sorry :[
I agree. You need to get out of there.


Is there no one you could stay with?


Also, you can look up battered women shelters around your area. [Anytime a person strikes you, that's considered battering.]
They can help.

We can only help you so far on the internet, giving you emotional support and what not. And I'm sorry for that.

lillia • 5 September 2011 at 4:26 AM

@fate
Because of that experience I had, I'm scared of what it would like to have a new relationship. I'm scared that guys like me because of the nationality of mine, because I have a face, because they want a night, because they want money, because they want to play with my feeling.
I already know my self that once I'm attached to guy I love, I can't withdraw the feeling I have, guys not like that, I know. But girls mostly are. You will remember him for ever. I remember and still love all the guys who I loved. It's unfair.

@cafe
My moms relative is the same.
The problem is that, mom is in japan, my aunts in Singapore, my hubby is in Malaysia.
A lot of thing happened, I don't know why I'm unfortunate. At 14, I moved to Malaysia because my mom wants me to study Islam, stopes me from singing , I had a scholarship for the best uni in singing, when I was 14, which was amazing. Everyone hated me in school,because of my moms religion. Singing and piano was my only friend. I have no siblings. I stopped schools because of that, and my stupid teachers who tried to disturb me sexualy. And my stupid mom actually locked him with me in the same room, unintentionally because she's stupid. I told her and she still did.
At one point, Malaysia was a fortune to me. I start study again, made international friends who don't g n

cafe • 5 September 2011 at 4:32 AM

@lillia

I have to lay down, it's 4:34 AM; but if you need someone to just talk to you can email me

vmartin1995@yahoo.com

lillia • 5 September 2011 at 4:35 AM

Actually judge by my religion. I had a lot of friends and I was happy, school was fun. and I'm don't want to be irresponsible child either, so I thought I should settle here, get a good house, one for my future and one for my parents, have a good job, stay with my hubby and my parents will stay other house, send money, so everyone can be happy..was my stupid dream..

@smiilies
@dawnfur
I know but I really don't want to go back to Japan.. ☹️ I'm really confused.. What should I do..? >.<

@sotheavey
I'm so sorry..

@cafe
Battered woman shelter..I don't know.. I once went to councilor and they were going to make a big problem, because my hubby don't even have visa. They were going to put him to jail..I have no heart to make the matter that big..
Now, my hubby is irresponsible, I'm overstay for 4month. I'm scared, I have no money to go out either, I'm really locked up ohisucally and mentally. Mom knows, yet refuse to pay, my aunt is bad as her, they loves backbiting, saying to others that this all happen cause I was bad to my mom and we prayed that god would do bad thing on you

fate • 5 September 2011 at 4:42 AM

@Lillia
I would be, too. I'm also scared of being torn apart again.
Guys can be really hard to read, as well as us girls. I sometimes think of what would happen if we were all to be blind, it would be good and bad, we wouldn't know which path to take, but we'd have no choice but to go for each others personalities.

I've been in six relationships these past few years, and I've been taught a lesson from all. Sometimes being with someone you've known for years can change your whole relationship around, not only that, but yourself and the person you love, and sometimes you might have not known much about him from the start.

Sometimes your heart may lead you into the right direction, but can also be the mind that leads you toward the wrong direction.

Life is unfair, a lot of people don't want to go through this pain that you go through now. But this is life, we learn from our mistakes. I still do love the guys I once been with before, but all had ended so brutal.

Being scared only makes things worst.
Sometimes you've got to overcome them.

- I would say more but there's a REALLY bad thunderstorm going on outside.

Everything will get better eventually. Just don't focus too much on the negative.

smilies • 5 September 2011 at 4:44 AM

@lillia I dunno... What's wrong with Japan?

feathershaft • 5 September 2011 at 4:50 AM

@lillia Oh, I'm so sorry... Look, I'm too young to know much about these things but I know that you are in a very troubled state and if it's so bad to the point that people have used physical violence against you, you should just walk away and start a new life somewhere else with someone else. You are old enough to support yourself and if you are really that hardworking then you would have no trouble doing it. You could immigrate to America or Australia...they both have laws against family violence. If I were you I would just forget about my past, but I'm not you, and I realise it's hard, but you really deserve better..

Sorry, I really don't know how to help you. I can only imagine your situation. I hope that things eventually work out.

lillia • 5 September 2011 at 5:06 AM

@fate
That's true, I've always withdrawn myself from the chances I had, I also felt guilty when good person approaches me. They may felt bad for me I don't know. But how can I be with someone when I'm in relationship? How come they want to be with me when they know I was with that guy?

Lots of guys in my collage wanted to be with me, I was their friend, it makes me withdraw my self because I felt it won't be a serious relationship. And I think i was correct.

But some few people, I admit that they might, was serious with me, I was scared that I can't control my feelg if I start have feeling for him, I rejected them so badly.

There were one special guy in my heart, but hes my hubby's friend, i didnt know that he had a feeling for me.he actually asked my mom to marriage me, but I was like, wth, how bad is that guy to like me knowing that his best friend was my hubby. I felt guilty and scared too. Felt like I'm the bad one. I told my mom to ignore him and I tore his heart apart. My mind said that's the right way. But somehow I had feeling for him because I knew him for a year. Felt like he wouldn't betray me. But it was just odd..really odd. Now he's staying with us, we act like nothing happened lol but because of how he talked to me before, I still have feeling for him, I doubt that he still do, he's a guy anyway.

lilliana • 5 September 2011 at 5:15 AM

@smilies
Japan is nice, people are nice, until they know my moms existence, then they turns bad on me

@feathershaft
Thank you, I hope everything will work out good too. If I have a visa, and working visa, I would leave here long ago.


anyways, I'm really sorry to disturb you guys.. I know it's too complicated, plus you guys got schools to Attand to,
And @cafe , thanks for the email but I'm not allowed to use emails, if I do, he will check everything in there, and I'm scared that he might beat me for nothing. Instead, I'll pm you here. For him, egg cave is nothing but a pet game :9
I can camouflage very good in here xD and I rather listen to advices, more then talking to people around here, in that way, I can still decide on my own, with many opinions you guys give, to choose

smilies • 5 September 2011 at 5:19 AM

@lillia I dunno, still sounds better then where you are now... Do they need to find out about your mum? ☹️

lilliana • 5 September 2011 at 5:22 AM

@smilies
Of cause no, I wouldn't let em, ☹️
But my mom comes no matter what :s
That's the problem :l