I feel like a fool.

dreamer • 18 February 2012 at 10:33 PM

EDIT: I don't need more naswers. Read my last post on page 3.


I don't know...

Just my real life drama. I feel like I've been played. I feel like I'll never have good hope.

Obviously, I like someone as you may know. This isn't the whole issue, just one reason.

I've told a lot of people. One of those people helped me out by telling him directly. The person supposedly said he might ask me out. But I feel that, there may be the slim chance he was lying about what this boy said.

I'm a little too open about it to some people. I'm amazing at keeping other people's secrets, but for some reason I can't keep my own.

I don't know what this person thinks of me as right now. He has to think something good about me, but I want to know exactly what it's like. >_<

I'll do something to or say something about him, then at night I'll sit back and think: "What have I done?"

There are so many little moments, so many silent words, that I wish I could redo, to change around. THe thing is, I can't. I don't know what sort of impression I've left on him. I just hope it's a good one.

With full honesty, what do you guys think of me...?

#DaniThePell

celeste • 18 February 2012 at 10:39 PM

@dreamer
What do I think of you...? Well.. I have many opinions about you, I suppose they're a bit biased, but I don't want to post them in case they hurt your feelings... ><;

dreamer • 18 February 2012 at 10:40 PM

@Celeste I'm hurt easily, but I just don't want to be lied to anymore. </3

I'm prepared to hear anything possible about myself, from best to worse, and Ill take it as constructive criticism for making myself better.

Deleted • 18 February 2012 at 10:42 PM

@Dreamer You are nice, friendly, kind, etc... DO NOT AND I REPEAT DO NOT Let someone tell you you're not good enough...

Listen... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_l0lWmhfZA&feature=related

celeste • 18 February 2012 at 10:45 PM

@dreamer
Well, here goes nothing:

To be honest, I think you CAN be a bit above yourself at times, to be frank, you've often just ignored many of my posts, even from when I was a newbie, just trying to talk to you. Also, you tend to be rather cold at times, and quite forgetful, too, sometimes forgetting things which matter a lot to others. As well as that, you're a bit... what's the word... well... cliqued? Maybe unnoticing? Stubborn? I've seen many of your forums, with people trying to be nice to you, yet you've never replied to most of them. I usually anticipate notifications greatly, and when I don't get one, I'm sad.

I'm sorry if this is a little harsh, but this is me being honest ><;

dreamer • 18 February 2012 at 10:51 PM

@Celeste I am a bit upset, but thanks for being honest.

I've even told myself that I'm harsh. Most of the time when someone posts to me, I'll be typing a reply, but change my mind and never send it because I don't want to seem pushy or offensive towards whoever I talk to.
I'm only cold because everyone in my life has thought of me as a stupid immature little girl, and I don't want to be thought of that way. So I act as sophisitcated as possible and try to shrug something off when I don't know the right words to say.
When I can't handle something, I ignore it, which is a horrible habit that I need to lose. I don't like starting commotion or having miscommunications, so I'll often forget to post.
Other times it'll just be users who repeatedly ask me for the same thing, but sometimes I purpousefully avoid them. But I'm talking newbies who ask for pets. I've never been able to hold up good or interesting conversations, so I just say; Why even bother?

celeste • 18 February 2012 at 10:59 PM

@dreamer
Thank you for not being insulted ^^ Try to aim to be sunnier and more cheerful, try to be just that little bit more confidant in what you're doing and what you're facing. Even in drama, I click the nofitication (Ok, maybe that's because I'm also quite sadistic sometimes ^ 😉 Light a candle, rather than curse the darkness ^^

steinway • 18 February 2012 at 11:01 PM

@dreamer
Just don't put yourself down. It's much better to be confident than have no confidence at all to tell people about yourself. Everyone has different characteristics. The world would be boring if everyone was perfect. Imperfections are what makes life interesting.

Deleted • 18 February 2012 at 11:02 PM

@dreamer you sound like you need love. I SHALL GIVE YOU LOVE! *hugs*

dreamer • 18 February 2012 at 11:10 PM

@Celeste I wish I could be the cheery, sunny little 12-year-old that I know I should be. My dad's always saying I seem depressed, and that I shouldn't worry about this much at a young age. I guess I'm just... Different.

There are so many crazy, scarring things in my head, that I don't know how to be cool or funny. I overthink everything. And whenever I try to joke around, it just hurts other people.

I've been judged before, and I don't like it at all. A lot of people can get so much attention for acting like idiots; Then I voice my true opnion; And they stare at me like, "This chicki is crazy." So maybe I am crazy. But I really don't know what they see in me. 😱

There have also been times that maybe things seemed tense between a user and I. They'd ping me, but I'd be too *afraid* to look at their post. I don't like doing it, but I just do.

I'll never be jumpy and happy, I'll never be a little girl again, I'll never be able to come to the forums without posting a lecture. But I'll try my best to do better without changing what I'm used to. ❤️

@Steinway I know I shouldn't put myself down, but I always do, for some reason. I know I'm different, but no one sees it in a good way. Either that, or they like me for who I am but just won't spit it out. I guess I have to make the first move, huh? ^^

@Kitty19cat Haha, is it funny that I knew you'd send me that song even before I clicked the link? XD I like the song though. It's a bit reassuring.

Deleted • 18 February 2012 at 11:10 PM

@Dreamer 😋 You are a mind reader!!

dreamer • 18 February 2012 at 11:13 PM

@Kitty19cat I actually do that a lot. I'll be listening to the radio, sometimes for fun I'd think of a random song. 85% of the time, the song I was thinking of is the next thing they play. o.o
It creeps me out a little. But I like it because some people get spooekd by it. xD
Like movies too. I'll be watching a movie, then guess what happens next, then it happens, and I'm like, "Yep. I knew it." 😋

@Bettafish Yes. I do need love. :c *huggle*

Deleted • 18 February 2012 at 11:19 PM

@dreamer I with that with movies 😋

bunnyshadow • 18 February 2012 at 11:21 PM

@dreamer Dont let him get away 😊

trish • 18 February 2012 at 11:22 PM

@dreamer Well, you see, your very open. That is good and sometimes bad. You got someone to crush on you on the internet. *nudge nudge do you remember nudge* And a few times, you make your life sound a bit tragic? I dunno. Old stuff. But, in the end, YOU are still holding on right? You surpass challenges and in the end, you come up strong. And you are very talented at writing songs. Have you gotten over your Kesha fever? LOL.

dreamer • 18 February 2012 at 11:24 PM

@Bunnyshadow Aww, I won't. 😊 Thanks. I'm trying as best I can. I just want someone who will be nice to me, no matter what other people try to say to me. They'll never convince me. ❤️

This is something real. Something I need soon or I'll just get worse. I don't have anything special with him yet, but he already makes me feel amazing. He needs to be mine. ;D

@Kitty19cat I know a lot of peopel who do it with movies. Maybe movies are just too predictable. XD
I've never bee na fan of movies in general. Too... long. *is an idiot*

whispers • 18 February 2012 at 11:25 PM

@dreamer
I think you aren't that bad, though I do agree with trish. 😸
I've really always wanted to talk to you (actually, a lot of people o.o), but have never known what to say, because you seem like a lot coller person than me >.<

celeste • 18 February 2012 at 11:29 PM

@dreamer
I'll reply to your post bit by bit ^^

"I wish I could be the cheery, sunny little 12-year-old that I know I should be. My dad's always saying I seem depressed, and that I shouldn't worry about this much at a young age. I guess I'm just... Different."

Taking action is much better than wishing ^^ (I have a severe case of overuse of that emoticon 😱) If you think you're depressed, then you will be. If you try to convince yourself you're going to have a sunny, cheerful, outlook on life, then you will.

"There are so many crazy, scarring things in my head, that I don't know how to be cool or funny. I overthink everything. And whenever I try to joke around, it just hurts other people."

I'm a bit like that too, only sometimes my jokes fall flat. Being 'cool' or 'funny' is all a matter of opinion - you're cool and funny in your own way. I've had many mental scars, but I try to shrug them off. Think about a happy tomorrow, not a tragic past.

"I've been judged before, and I don't like it at all. A lot of people can get so much attention for acting like idiots; Then I voice my true opnion; And they stare at me like, "This chicki is crazy." So maybe I am crazy. But I really don't know what they see in me. 😱"

Continued on my other account:

dreamer • 18 February 2012 at 11:31 PM

@TrishI'm open about myself so much. Sometiems I'm not, but I usually am. It gets me into a bit of trouble sometimes. Especially with rumors in such. 😋
That thing with Crooton was actually pretty funny though. xD He got over that, I'm sure. The kid was only 10. xD
Sometimes something bad would happen in my life, and I can't talk to it with anyone except my keyboard and computer screen. If I can be honest, I used to... Exagerrate, a little? What I said was true at the base, but not as horrible as I stretched it to be. In the end, I'll always be strong, I'll always be here, because I know there is someone, somehwere, who depends on me for their own life; I've never wanted to hurt a single person. Why is it that I've already emotionally damaged others?
As for the fever thing, it's totally died down. xD I snapped out of it. I regret. I call it "Drunk without Drinking", I'll do something crazy and obssessive than a few months later we can all laugh at my stupidity. 8D

@Whispers I've seen you on the forums, and you seemed like someone who would be easy to talk too. And I'm kidna freaked out that a bunch of people are almost afraid to talk to me.
Do I smell THAT bad?! *just kidding, just kidding* XD

gumi • 18 February 2012 at 11:33 PM

@dreamer
Continued:

Being judged is never a good thing, but try not to do anything to get yourself judged. There are some times in life where it is best to keep quiet about things, and when such an occasion comes, then keep quiet. If people say you're crazy, so what? You don't need to give. I'm called 'weird' and 'crazy', but, I wear it upon myself like a proud person, not some kind of insult or slur. And if you don't know what others see in you, then ask. Don't get someone else to do it, just do it.

"There have also been times that maybe things seemed tense between a user and I. They'd ping me, but I'd be too *afraid* to look at their post. I don't like doing it, but I just do."

Once again, just try to get the guts to look at it. Don't be afraid; words can't hurt you too much, and what could possibly be wrong with that post, especially if it's on your own topic? It could be the user doesn't even sense it, and they are trying to help you. You never know until you try it out.

"I'll never be jumpy and happy, I'll never be a little girl again, I'll never be able to come to the forums without posting a lecture. But I'll try my best to do better without changing what I'm used to. ❤️"

You can be happy, all you need to do is believe in yourself! Think that you're happy, and then, whadaya know? You're happy! Although aging is inevitable, and lost innocence can't be recovered, you should still try to be at least somewhat like what you were.

Still cont:

celeste • 18 February 2012 at 11:34 PM

@dreamer:

Continued:

If you can't come onto the forums without a lecture, then take a break! And, of course, doing your best is a good thing 😊 Glad to see you're trying to get some self-improvement 😊

dreamer • 18 February 2012 at 11:47 PM

@Gumi / @Celeste

I'll try ASAP. I want to make myself better because I don't want to like scare people.

In all, I guess it is important that I look at things happily. Maybe I need someone to point it out, or maybe I can talk to myself... On my own. XD

I always post too much. I can never stop writing. Half the reason why I do songwriting, because I just type and type. Maybe I'll get more into music too. It makes me happy.

whispers • 18 February 2012 at 11:52 PM

@dreamer
I songwrite too! I make lyrics, I can't get melodys though o_o

celeste • 18 February 2012 at 11:55 PM

@dreamer

That's awesome! ^^ And this has inspired me so much I might even go do some homework now (of my own accord? 😱) Try to look at every situation in the best way possible, and don't let anything get you down! ^^ I'm really with you on the posting; I once wrote an 84 page novel for an assignment XD *likes bragging about that* I don't songwrite that often, since I suck HAAAAAARD at music XD Do whatever you do that makes you feel better or happier ^^

dreamer • 19 February 2012 at 12:02 AM

@Celeste
Haha, I have the week off and have no homework at all. 😸
For school, we were supposed to write a 2-page story. Mine was 7 pages. Took 6 months to write and edit. XD
I songwrite, just because personally I find it easy. It brings me joy. I express myself through music.
It definitely makes me happy, so I'll stick to it. Thank you. 😊

celeste • 19 February 2012 at 5:06 AM

@dreamer
Really? That's awesome! ^^
Wow~ You must be really serious about writing~ You should become a writer ^^
If you find you can express yourself in some way, then just do it 😸 If you express yourself with songwriting, then do it until it comes out of your ears! XD I find art a medium which I express myself with, and I'm doing it until it comes out of my ears XD If it makes you happy, then do it! ^^ Glad Dr Celeste can be of some help ^^

#AnotherCaseSolved

dreamer • 20 February 2012 at 5:14 PM

Hmmm.

After this week, I might take a little break from EggCave.

I'm getting so... What's the word... Anticipating (I doubt I used that the right way) with my real life. I'm getting worked up, a little worried. I overreact, so I could be causing a big mess that I'll need to fix.

I'll be active for the rest of the week.
But when I get back to school on Moday,
I'll just lurk and post if something great happens.

Plus, my school dance is on March 8. I plan to ask someone. Whatever happens with him on that night, I'll definitely be sharing that as well. 😊 I have my fingers crossed!

cafe • 20 February 2012 at 5:27 PM

Do you want my opinion? Or are you all good? :]

piucca • 20 February 2012 at 5:29 PM

If I was a dude I would ask you to marry me ❤️

EDIT:
And you age XD

replica • 20 February 2012 at 5:30 PM

@dreamer Dont worry, I bet you'll be fine 😉 and I feel the same about my life sometimes, too 😉

@celeste I have also caught the ^^ fever 😋