Creature descriptions are getting lazy... Time for a little sprucing up? :)

bot • 6 September 2013 at 4:48 PM

Hi guyys. I've been thinking, the creature art is great and original, but the descriptions for creatures are kinda losing their magic. Take a look at the Kesko's description. Here it is below.

http://www.eggcave.com/archives/view/221

Wow, how beautifully descriptive, visually sensical, and very interesting, too! I really like these descriptions, and they're very great, but take a peek at the Tritdent's. Below, again.

http://www.eggcave.com/archives/view/262

/cough cough/DRAUA./cough cough/ Really, this is pretty much EXACTLY the Draqua's description (which is alot better anyway) except with virtually NO COMPOUND SENTENCES, a lazier name, and its just... too common. YES it uses electricity. YES it is dangerous. YES nobody knows where they live... But just about EVERY DRAGON IN THE WORLD applies to this. I think it would be cooler if we used DESCRIPTIVE words and less "been there, done that" themes.

Here's a description that I wrote to replace the Trident's description.



"A crash of deep blue electricity races across the pitch black night sky! A chilling wind rushes through the area! Blazing destruction left in its ravaged path! It is quite obvious a Trident has been slicing the air around here, leaving a trail of wreckage in its ungodly wake. If you look up, above the center of the destruction lies a perfectly clear part in the imposing storm clouds, where the beast lies. No one dares approach the monster, undefeated with fiery eyes glaring at the defeated foes.

Yes, the Tritdent is a fearsome creature indeed, leaving entire cities crumbled if one gets enraged by an enemy. Its best to treat a Trident with utmost respect if you ever do see one, they truly kings amongst the dragons. However, do not go hunting for one. Nobody knows where they live, and you will not be successful in finding their lair."



I am particularly proud of this piece, and it didn't take me forever, either.

@Ian, I will do creature descriptions, for FREE, mind you, if you PM me what you want the creature to be based off of with a proper picture, of course. Please note that I may be busy sometimes, so send it to me VIA PM ASAP.

Do you agree with me? Post in this topic! It would be greatly appreciated by your's truly.

~ #Bot

bookw0rm • 6 September 2013 at 7:23 PM

@bot
Yes, I totally agree! I like your description!

tralala44 • 6 September 2013 at 7:52 PM

@bot

You're a natural at descriptions. But I'm not sure, because if you change it... Might be too complicated?😊

disneyland • 6 September 2013 at 8:24 PM

@bot

I hope Ian goes for it. Your description is full of life and effort ^^

piucca • 6 September 2013 at 8:30 PM

@bot

I love what you wrote.
It really paints an image and makes the creature sound very epic.

Could you make one for my suggestion?
I am awful with coming up with good ones.

Here is the link to my creature suggestion:
http://eggcave.com/forums/topic/44147

Thank you if you do, and I understand if you are not able to.

I must defend the Trident though, the name came from the user suggestion. It was nice of them to keep the name the same. 😋

bot • 7 September 2013 at 4:33 PM

@bookw0rm, @faerie_eclair_mallow

Thank you! I'm very glad to hear! 😸

@tralala44

Thank you, but I know it may be a bit confusing. But, you know, whatever! ^^ Maybe they'll just do a blog post or something to clear things up if this works. 😊

@piucca

Thanks so much! That means alot to me! And I'm not exactly complaining about the name, I'm just saying that the description could use some work (no durr 😋)

Wrote description as requested. 😊

metaphor • 29 October 2013 at 1:38 AM

So I read the Trident description and eeek, you're right about the compound sentence issue:

"They are considered to be masters and champions of lightning. They have a unique ability to harness the power of storms and redirect lightning in any direction."

These sentences just kind of grated on my ear.


I would love to write Egg descriptions.

ampratt • 2 November 2013 at 8:47 PM

Would save a lot of headaches for artists that can't write worth crap.

mastergemma • 2 November 2013 at 9:06 PM

Hmmm... I'd remove the part that incorporates us in the description, it just seems a bit much for it
@bot

bot • 17 December 2013 at 2:01 PM

@mastergemma

What do you mean?

@metaphor

Oh my! Finally, someone who actually cares that it sounds horrible!

@ampratt

True dat.


And guys, please save me a headache by pinging me. My account is @Bot. Yup, three letters. Not too hard to type.

mastergemma • 19 December 2013 at 1:06 AM

I'm saying that it should be generic, without mentioning the person reading the description

@bot

purrclan • 19 December 2013 at 1:27 AM

@bot
I think @mastergemma means take out the 'you'.

trish • 19 December 2013 at 1:58 AM

@bot I really like your descriptions but I don't think you should assume responsibility for doing all the creature descriptions. There are some really great or creative writers out there who could do a good job too. 😋

mastergemma • 24 December 2013 at 5:45 PM

@bot
@purrclan
yeah, we shouldn't be included in the descriptions because weren't the archives created by creatures from the past?

purrclan • 24 December 2013 at 5:50 PM

@mastergemma
The original ones were; all the new species have been added to them.

lunacharm1037 • 24 December 2013 at 6:10 PM

@bot

That description was epic, fabulous, awesome, terriffic...
I could actually picture it in my mind as I read it. ❤️

meta_knight_lover • 24 December 2013 at 9:40 PM

@bot As a writer, I must say your descriptions are perfect! They provide so many fantastic details that gets anyone visualizing the might of the Tritdent! 8D

mrsgiggles • 1 January 2014 at 8:38 PM

@bot I personally don't read the creature descriptions other than to see how many clicks/feeds/views needed 😊

I do sympathize with the writers on EC. I try to write my own descriptions for my own pets in a RPG way, but after 200+ pets, I am running out of ideas myself! I can only imagine the pressure the writers are under! LOL.

aardbeix3 • 2 January 2014 at 11:38 AM

@bot I completely agree with you!
And loved your description!

purrclan • 5 January 2014 at 6:47 PM

@bot
Some creatures don't have very good descriptions? Tell that to the Balrog!
http://eggcave.com/archives/view/balrogipuwet
No creature description whatsoever, only an egg one.

The Abet has one, but not on the Archives page...
http://eggcave.com/archives/view/abet

Same goes for the Gryp...
And the Pareteorsite...
And the Scorbis...
And the Sherth...
And the Skrute...
And the Storticai...
And the Tenalp...

Seriously, what the heck?